Updated: Feb. 12, 2021
Originally Published: June 19, 2005
I recently crossed the milestone of 40, and I know it may sound unbelievable, but my knees didn’t give out on me. There was no sudden ache in my neck, no unexpected weight gain or early morning water aerobics classes on the horizon.
I understand that in our society, turning 40 represents a significant transition; it’s often viewed as the start of midlife. We start to realize that shedding those extra 10 pounds isn’t as effortless as it used to be at 22, and we feel the twinges of discomfort more acutely, perhaps because they could become a lasting reality. However, I take issue with the prevailing belief that 40 equates to being old, that my youthful days are behind me, and that everything from here on out is a decline toward frumpy housecoats and denture cups on the nightstand.
I’ve noticed a worrying trend among some friends where any minor ailment, any slight discomfort, or any nagging insecurity about their looks is brushed off as just part of getting older. “Well, we are 40,” has become the default response to any complaint, much like the exasperating shrug of “It is what it is.” This implies that we should just settle into our recliners and await the arrival of our AARP memberships.
But I’m here to say that this mindset is pretty misleading. Sure, turning 40 can feel daunting—it often feels like a clear line between youth and old age. When I mention my age to a 25-year-old colleague, I can see the flicker of shock in her eyes before she quickly recovers and says, “Oh, that’s cool,” as if to reassure herself that her mom isn’t much older than I am. Aging is a reality, but is it really necessary to start acting old at 40?
In our 20s, we often felt like children wanting to be taken seriously but simultaneously aware that we hadn’t quite reached adulthood. However, many of us have felt like grown-ups for some time—be it when we bought our first car, tied the knot, or welcomed a child into our lives. It almost seems as though we’ve become so comfortable with adulthood that we’re hastening to embrace “old age” before it actually arrives. Sometimes, I think my friends are adopting an “old” persona as a way to bond or as an easy explanation for the things they dislike about their bodies.
Yes, my knee does ache if I skip exercise for a few days, but that’s something I’ve been dealing with since I hit 35. I found my first grey hair at 27 and losing weight has never been a walk in the park for me. Still, there are some delightful changes I’ve embraced in the last year. I finally discovered a hairstyle that suits me with bangs, I’ve grown to love exercising through barre classes and the 30 Day Shred, and I’m experiencing more joy, intimacy, and spiritual growth than ever before. In fact, I think I’ve finally learned how to dress for my figure, making me feel more attractive than I have in years.
I realize some may read this and think, “Oh, that’s sweet for her,” or label me as a woman in denial. I hear you. There are certainly challenges that come with this age, but I refuse to blame 40 for them. Yes, things may sag a bit more than they used to, but they’re bound to sag even more in two or three decades. So, I choose to appreciate the elasticity they still have. Can we all agree to stop acting like 40 is just one sprained ankle away from life support? After all, we have the likes of Drew Barrymore, Eva Longoria, Kate Winslet, and Charlize Theron all turning 40 this year. We’re in excellent company, my friends.
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In summary, while turning 40 can feel significant, we shouldn’t let it define our attitudes or limit our enjoyment of life. Embrace the changes, celebrate the joys, and remember that age is just a number.
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