When you have a baby who seems to have a persistent aversion to sleep, well-meaning friends and family will be eager to share their unsolicited advice on how to achieve a peaceful night’s rest. While you might wish they would offer to babysit instead—especially during the ungodly hours of 3 to 10 a.m.—you find yourself trying every suggestion. As the sleepless nights pile up, you may feel the urge to channel Dr. Seuss and shout, “No! He will not sleep in a box, he will not sleep with a fox, he will not sleep in a house, he will not sleep with a mouse, he just will not freaking sleep!”
Let’s face it—more advice isn’t what you need. You’ve read every article and listened to every tip imaginable. Instead, here’s a non-exhaustive list of things that definitely won’t help your baby sleep through the night—because honestly, I’m too tired to finish it.
- Swaddling
- Not swaddling
- Pacifiers
- Rocking to sleep
- Not rocking to sleep
- Dream feeds
- Skipping the dream feed
- Drowsy but awake—also known as, “I’m drowsy, but if you dare put me down while awake, I will unleash a scream that could wake the neighbors.”
- A soothing bath
- A not-so-soothing bath where an older sibling decides to use baby as a target for a water bucket
- Room sharing
- Bed sharing
- Cry it out
- Bed sharing after a cry it out effort fails
- Lavender room spray
- Accidentally spilling lavender essential oil all over the house, leading to a week-long aroma reminiscent of a French bordello
- Singing lullabies before bed
- Acceptable levels of background noise
- White noise machines
- Perfect silence
- Neighbors slamming car doors
- Nursing to sleep
- Not nursing to sleep
- Cry it out again
- Any book or online resource ever written on the subject
- Homeopathic teething tablets
- Letting baby nap when they feel like it
- A strict schedule with two naps a day
- Skipping naps
- Car naps
- Stroller naps
- Crib naps
- Holding baby until your arm goes numb naps
- A comprehensive bedtime routine
- Going to bed on time
- Going to bed too early
- Going to bed late
- Waking up early
- Sleeping in late (as if that ever happens)
- Fairy sleep dust made from ground unicorn horns purchased in bulk
- Cotton pajamas
- Fleece pajamas
- Sleep sacks
- Warm blankets
- Light blankets
- No blankets
- A fancy new crib mattress
- Mercury being in retrograde
- Rushing to the room at the first whimper
- Waiting a few moments to see if baby will settle down
- Night-weaning
- Crying it out a third time
- Not returning the pacifier after it’s been flung across the room
- Returning the pacifier after an hour
- Bargaining with a higher power
- Attempting to reason with a baby using logic
- Offering straight cash to the little one
If you can muster the strength to read any article on getting babies (or even toddlers—let’s be honest) to sleep through the night, you’ll notice a recurring theme: time. In every success story, the baby grows older and eventually learns to sleep through the night. Yours will too, and when it happens, you’ll find yourself part of an exclusive club of parents who can say, “Enjoy it! It all goes by so fast!” to other sleep-deprived moms at the grocery store. Until then, keep pushing through. Your baby will sleep eventually. A mom can dream, right? Well, more like daydream.
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In summary, sleep may be elusive for your little one right now, but hang in there! With time and patience, you will find a rhythm that works for both of you.
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