You’ve probably experienced those moments where your rational mind acknowledges something isn’t a big deal, yet your inner advocate just can’t let it go. Well, my inner advocate is quite persistent.
I fully understand that I am cherished by my partner and our children. I recognize my value within our family dynamic. I contribute substantially to our household, and my role is not just necessary—it’s vital. From making lunches and getting the kids ready for bed to clipping nails and helping with homework, I am deeply involved in their lives. I create cherished memories and nurture meaningful connections with each of our children. I know these contributions define my role as a parent.
However, when the kids refer to me as “Nelle,” it feels like a disconnect. My heart knows that they see me as one of their moms, and they often ask if they can call me “Mom” or refer to me as “the other Mommy.” Yet, when they tell their friends, “I can’t do that, my mom says no,” it feels like a bittersweet reminder that my name doesn’t align with their perception of motherhood.
It’s disheartening when others hear, “Nelle, can we play for five more minutes?” and assume I’m just a babysitter or nanny. It stings—especially since I’ve had to identify myself as the nanny at times. My heart races when I sign a permission slip, only to have my name prompt a check for authorization against our family’s last names. I roll my eyes at the raised eyebrows when I express a desire to attend parent-teacher conferences or medical appointments. And don’t even get me started on those gifts that say “Mommy Loves You”!
But here’s the thing: Nelle loves you too. Unfortunately, no one is making shirts to declare that. My rational side knows it’s silly to get upset about a “Mommy’s Little Angel” shirt, especially when my partner, the biological mother, should have the joy of dressing our kids in whimsical attire. Yet, deep down, I can’t help but feel a pang of loss for the opportunities I will never have.
Of course, I am aware of the countless opportunities I do have as “Nelle,” and I am truly grateful for them. These moments of frustration come and go, but they do happen.
So, my dear children, if you decide to decorate your graduation cap with “Nelle Loves You,” I’ll be your biggest cheerleader, and my inner advocate will celebrate louder than you could imagine. Just like any mom, I’ll embarrass you in the best way possible.
“A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.”
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In summary, while my kids may not call me “Mom,” their love and the roles I play in their lives affirm my importance as a parent. It’s the connections we build that truly define family, regardless of titles.
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