I’m honestly perplexed about how we reached this point. By “this point,” I mean our bed—the one meant for your father and me, which has now turned into a cozy family den, complete with two parents, two dogs, and three children. We’re lucky enough to have enough beds for everyone, yet here we all are, snuggled up in a chaotic, exhausted heap. I’m writing this note to you all because, quite frankly, it’s just not working.
I understand that as your mom, my main job is to cater to your needs, but I’m a person too, and I have my own needs. One of those needs is sleep.
Do you remember those early days when you were just a few months old and miraculously started sleeping through the night? It was glorious! Are you listening? Mommy was over-the-moon happy, much like Julie Andrews twirling in a field of flowers, when you peacefully slept in your own beds, all night long. My skin looked better, and Daddy didn’t have to drown in coffee to stay awake. It was a beautiful time for our family.
Now, however, bedtime has turned into a never-ending saga of chaos. You’re cranky and tired, and I, your poor mother, am utterly drained.
Here’s a snapshot of a typical night in our household. I’m using “you” to collectively address all of you because you’ve formed a united front against sleep and sanity. I hope seeing your actions laid out like this will spark some realization in your little hearts. Just think about how ridiculous this is:
- Mommy and Daddy tuck you all into your snug beds, say goodnight, and close the door.
- Seven and a half minutes later, you charge down the stairs with something “very important” to share. I get that it’s tough when your sibling has boogers on you or when you can’t remember anything that rhymes with “lettuce,” but those aren’t valid reasons to leave your room. Repeat after me: ONLY IF YOU NEED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM OR YOU’RE BLEEDING.
- You return to your room long enough for me to finally settle on the couch with a glass of wine, engrossed in Olivia Pope’s latest drama. Then, of course, you need to poop, and I have to peel myself away from my cozy blanket-wine-Scandal cocoon to assist you.
- Just when I think you’re settled, you’re back 20 minutes later, wondering why morning is taking so long to arrive. We’ve even resorted to threatening your stuffed animals if you don’t stay put.
- After another 20 minutes, you come back, sad and feeling lonely because your sibling is asleep, and you guilt one of us into lying in your creaky, cluttered bed until you drift off.
- So now it’s 11 p.m., and I’ve given up on any semblance of kid-free time and crawl into bed myself.
- Just as I finally reach the bliss of REM sleep, the first child appears in my room, usually between midnight and 1 a.m. You’re adorable and sleepy, so I pull you into bed. You snuggle up, and without fail, you’re back to dreamland while I’m left wide awake, trying to get comfortable with you sprawled across my pillow.
- WHACK! What was that? You just kicked me in the face! Why are your feet in my face? This is a bed! There’s a designated area for feet, and you’re clearly confused about the arrangement!
- The second child makes an appearance between 3 and 4 a.m., which means more shuffling and repositioning on my part, not to mention being awake.
- Finally, just a half hour before my alarm goes off, in comes the third child. There’s no room left, yet you somehow manage to squish in, flailing your elbows and, oh my goodness, did you just head-butt me? I endure a few kidney kicks before I resign myself to the reality of waking up.
Can you see it now, kids? Just how chaotic this is? Please tell me you recognize the absurdity of our nightly routine. I’m not sure how much longer we can sustain this madness. Let’s aim for something small—just one night of uninterrupted sleep would be a fantastic start. At least give it a thought.
Much love,
Mom
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