Parenting
By Jamie Thompson
Updated: Feb. 4, 2023
Originally Published: Feb. 4, 2023
It’s not uncommon for me to decline invitations for family outings with a polite “no thank you.” While it’s disappointing to miss out, I don’t regret it. My real regrets come from saying yes when I should have known better.
I have a sensitive son. Like many kids, he enjoys social events—they’re thrilling and enjoyable! However, they can also be emotionally draining for him and stressful for our family. Figuring out how to navigate this delicate balance so we can have fun and foster friendships without overextending ourselves can feel like a circus act. Because others often don’t grasp our situation, it seems we frequently end up disappointing someone or overcommitting.
I understand how easy it is to misinterpret our circumstances, and I also know how common it is to set unrealistic expectations for my son. I used to be that person—unaware of the challenges faced by highly sensitive children. Now that I have a sensitive child, I feel frustrated with my previous lack of understanding. While many kids display sensitivity, my son’s sensitivity is on another level. The toughest part isn’t my son himself; it’s managing the expectations of others—expectations that I once held as well.
It’s only natural for people to expect more from my child. After all, sensitivity in children can be hard to recognize and even more challenging to understand. I used to believe that sensitivity was indicative of a problem—some sort of imbalance. But I’ve learned that while my son is sensitive, he is also perfectly okay.
My son becomes easily overwhelmed by sensory input and abrupt changes. He’s always thinking and absorbing information, which can lead to exhaustion. Interestingly, physical activities don’t wear him out as much as emotional experiences and intellectual stimulation do. For other children, sensitivity can manifest in various ways, but it’s universally challenging.
At first glance, my son is cheerful and outgoing, always smiling and ready to engage with the world. But the costs of fun for him are higher than for his peers. He can visit the zoo or attend birthday parties, and he enjoys school and the park like any other child. We just have to plan carefully, limiting big events to one per day, and incorporating downtime into our busy schedules. This strategy often creates the illusion that he isn’t overwhelmed, but trust me, he is.
With this balance, it’s easy for people to overlook or even disregard his sensitivity. When that happens, my son suffers, and so do I. So, I implore you to heed my words: any activity that involves engaging with him is quite stimulating. That batch of pancakes he helped make? That’s more than enough excitement for the morning. It’s tough to push back against well-meaning intentions, and that’s when I wish for a little understanding.
An overnight trip can be a significant upheaval for my son. Sure, it looks like he handles it well, but you didn’t witness the illness he endured after a fun weekend getaway or hear about the meltdowns during festive times. The excitement can really wear him out. Whether or not it resonates with you, it is our reality.
Let me clarify: sensitivity isn’t a negative trait. In fact, if you take a closer look, you’ll see that it’s genuinely a gift. Sensitive kids experience life in rich, profound ways. They don’t miss a thing. My son’s approach to life is commendable—he’s an astute observer, always analyzing how toys work and aware of others’ feelings, taking the time to think before acting. The friendships he forms are authentic, and he’s a remarkable individual inside and out. Perhaps he will outgrow this sensitivity, or perhaps he won’t, but either way, it won’t hinder him.
That said, we genuinely feel let down when we have to miss gatherings with friends. But regret? No way. Our time is what we make of it, and we strive to make the best of every opportunity we embrace. Sensitivity only becomes a burden when it’s viewed as a problem by others, and a little patience goes a long way. Whether you have a highly sensitive child in your life or not, your understanding helps my son flourish in his comfort zone. You’re also supporting a mom who knows all too well the disappointment of saying “no thank you,” but is equally aware of the potential fallout if she doesn’t.
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Summary
Parenting a sensitive child can be challenging, but understanding and patience from others can make all the difference. My son, while sensitive, experiences life in rich ways, and it’s essential for those around us to recognize and respect his needs.
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