It was a typical afternoon when my daughter’s friend, Lily, burst through the door, her excitement palpable as she rushed to join my girl for an afternoon of play with their new toy. The air was filled with laughter and energy, as the two settled down in the living room to immerse themselves in their Barbie Dream House fantasy.
After an hour of playing, they both wandered into the kitchen for a snack. I casually asked Lily what her favorite treats were, expecting a barrage of suggestions. Instead, she hesitated, her enthusiasm replaced by a somber expression. While my daughter eagerly rummaged through the pantry, Lily kept her gaze fixed on the countertop, seemingly deep in thought.
Something felt off. I asked, “Are you alright? Not hungry?”
She replied quietly, “I’m fine. I just need to watch what I eat. I’ve gained weight.”
Those words hit me like a ton of bricks, but I managed to maintain my composure. As I offered her a variety of healthy snacks, she added, “My aunt called me fat…but she apologized.”
Those words echoed in my mind long after the conversation ended. An 8-year-old child rationalizing fat shaming from an adult is disheartening. It was a moment that made me painfully aware of how our children internalize hurtful comments. Her discomfort around food and body image was evident, while my daughter munched happily on her snacks, blissfully unaware of the turmoil brewing beside her.
In that moment, I felt a surge of protective instinct. I decided to address the issue directly. I knelt down to Lily’s level and made eye contact. “I want you to know that the word ‘fat’ is hurtful. You are beautiful just the way you are. Don’t let anyone else’s words shape how you see yourself. You are wonderful and full of light, and there’s nothing wrong with you. What she said was not kind, and while she may be sorry, remember that you are fantastic.”
Even as I spoke, I realized my words might not be enough to erase the pain she felt. After Lily left, I couldn’t shake off her haunting comment. We all make mistakes as parents, and while it’s common to lose our tempers or slip up occasionally, fat shaming is unacceptable. I would prefer my daughter to hear a curse word from me than to ever feel self-doubt about her body from my lips.
Raising daughters in today’s society comes with unique challenges. They absorb the mixed messages about body image from every corner of their lives. The last thing they need is to hear those damaging narratives from loved ones.
I don’t have all the answers, but I promise the last thing you’ll hear me say about my child will never be about her weight or appearance. When she asks how she looks, my response will always be, “You are perfect, inside and out.”
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In summary, it’s vital to create a nurturing environment for our children, free from the stigma of body shaming. Let’s empower them with love and acceptance, ensuring they grow to appreciate themselves fully.
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