Parenting
Updated: Jan. 22, 2023
My 5-year-old has an imaginary companion named Zayla—think of Alice but with a Z. I can’t quite figure out where he got that name; to my knowledge, there’s no Zayla in any popular kids’ shows.
After some thorough questioning, I found out that Zayla is older than my son but not “old enough to drive.” She sports purple hair styled in a braid reminiscent of Elsa and has a particular fondness for soup. While I appreciate my child’s creativity, I have more than a few valid reasons to believe that having an imaginary friend can sometimes be a real-life pain in my neck.
1. It’s Just Plain Annoying
While I strive to be a welcoming host to my kids’ friends, this little one seems to have moved in for good. What’s my next move? Call her imaginary mom and say, “Hey, get in your invisible car and pick up your kid?” Initially, I thought it was cute, but that was a mistake. Now, I’m often asked to set an extra plate at dinner and help little Zayla fasten her seatbelt in our minivan. And yes, I serve imaginary food on an imaginary plate. I try to keep it all in check.
By allowing this make-believe buddy into our lives, I inadvertently sanctioned her almost constant presence in our home. I find myself tiptoeing around, careful not to disturb her invisible spot on the couch. To top it off, my son has taken it upon himself to share Zayla’s opinions on our household rules—simple things like “clean your room” and “we don’t stand on bookshelves.” Apparently, Zayla thinks I should lighten up a bit. Great.
2. It’s a Bit Creepy
While I don’t believe in ghosts and our house is relatively new, there’s an unsettling vibe to this whole situation. I can’t shake the feeling that I’m one step away from hearing my son say, “I see dead people.” If that ever happens, I might just faint.
Even though I try to reassure myself that his imaginary friendship is normal, there’s a nagging part of me that gets the chills when I catch him chatting away with someone who isn’t really there. Or is she? Not going to lie—it makes me uneasy. I spend sleepless nights wondering if our new neighborhood was built over a long-forgotten graveyard.
3. He Avoids Responsibility
Zayla seems to be the scapegoat for all sorts of mischief—stolen cookies before dinner, broken items, and random trash that doesn’t quite make it into the bin. One time, she took the blame for an entire roll of toilet paper turned into a makeshift superhero cape (and trust me, it didn’t work).
I understand that young kids are testing boundaries and learning about consequences, but I don’t want to set the precedent that “my friend did it” is an acceptable excuse. I haven’t given him any leeway on that yet, but he keeps pushing, and honestly, it concerns me.
4. I Worry About Judgment from Others
So far, my son has strong social skills and interacts well with his real-life peers. I’ve never told him that Zayla isn’t real, nor have I criticized him for having her around—even when she occupies my favorite spot on the couch or jumps into our minivan unexpectedly while I’m in a rush. I know that imaginary friends are a common phase for many kids.
I do wonder if he feels like something is missing in his life to create this character. Will his teacher see him as “that kid” or refer him to the school psychologist for passing imaginary notes? Perhaps I’m overreacting, but I fear that other kids will find him odd and avoid him because he talks to thin air.
Navigating the parenting landscape with a child who embraces uniqueness rather than conformity is a bittersweet journey. He’s still discovering who he wants to be in this world. Right now, he’s doing it with an imaginary, purple-haired companion who brings him joy. And while Zayla makes me a bit uneasy, I remind myself that his real-life friends can be just as exasperating. At least this one is quieter.
For the moment, Zayla looks like she’s here to stay. Eventually, she’ll fade away, likely before he heads off to college. But until then, I’ll have to manage the situation. After all, Zayla is his friend, not mine. Now, if only I could stop picturing those creepy twins from The Shining standing in front of the elevator, chanting, “come play with us, Danny, forever, and ever, and ever.”
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In conclusion, while having an imaginary friend can present some unique challenges, it’s also a part of childhood development that many kids experience. By navigating these moments with patience and understanding, we help our children explore their creativity and imagination.
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