It wasn’t until I hit the age of 12 that I first made a conscious decision to give something up. Growing up a bit heavier than my peers, shedding pounds was often at the top of my New Year’s resolutions. Over the years, my goals have shifted. Some years, I swore off bad habits like nail-biting, while other years I committed to the latest weight-loss craze. For over three decades, I’ve made promises to lose or eliminate something from my life.
However, amidst all this focus on loss, I never paused to consider what I truly wanted to gain. Now, as I reflect on this, I find myself questioning what that might be. Could it be something I lost along the way? Or perhaps it’s something I’ve always been hesitant to embrace.
One thing I often ponder is whether I’ve truly found my voice. Like many women, I’ve spent the majority of my life adopting the sentiments of others, allowing their needs and desires to overshadow my own. I’ve silenced my inner voice for far too long. Whenever I muster the courage to speak up, guilt follows closely behind. I question whether I did the right thing, often retreating into silence, afraid to let my true self shine through.
This habit of dismissing my own voice has become ingrained. I’ve spent years striving for perfection, and it simply hasn’t worked. I’m weary of playing it safe, of consistently choosing the easy route to avoid conflict, and of prioritizing peace over authenticity.
We place immense pressure on ourselves to do everything right and to please everyone around us. Nothing ever feels sufficient. We often find ourselves living within the confines of our comfort zones, convinced that’s where we belong. We ignore that inner voice urging us to be true to ourselves, the one that empowers us to honor our identity.
My quest to reclaim my voice has taken on newfound significance, especially as I watch my 8-year-old daughter navigate similar struggles. I see her hesitate to speak up, instinctively deferring to others with questions like, “What do you think?” or “What would you like?” I observe how doubt silences her, forcing her words back into her mind. She often stands by, waiting for someone else to take the lead.
We spend a significant amount of time discussing the importance of finding our voices. I encourage her to express her thoughts confidently. She hears my frustrations about the times I’ve allowed my voice to be stifled, and she witnesses the disappointment I feel when I fail to advocate for myself.
It’s crucial to recognize that girls don’t simply choose to be voiceless; it’s something we inadvertently teach them. After years of reflection, I’ve come to understand that I am the master of my own transformation. My voice is mine to cultivate; it must become an integral part of who I am.
Sometimes I wonder why it took me so long to embrace my voice and trust in my ability to use it. Yet, I remind myself that each person moves at their own pace on the journey of life. I’ll reach my destination when I’m ready.
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In summary, as I strive to gain my voice and encourage my daughter to do the same, I recognize the importance of this journey. It’s about embracing authenticity, letting go of guilt, and learning to trust ourselves. Together, we can nurture our voices and empower each other to speak our truths.
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