After the arrival of my second child, I took a brief three-week break from work. Some may view this as a luxury, but since I primarily work from home, returning to my duties felt like an extension of maternity leave. I was still in my comfy yoga pants, after all. Yet, diving back into work just three weeks post-baby is a far cry from the leisurely pace of actual maternity leave.
My newborn daughter had a peculiar aversion to sleep after dark, so I often found myself working late into the night. One evening, my partner snapped a candid photo of me in my yoga pants, glasses perched on my nose, with my little one nestled in my lap, enjoying far too much screen time. The glow of the laptop illuminated our faces, and while I cherish that image, it also stirs up a wave of emotion. Not out of resentment towards my job, but more so from sheer exhaustion. I’m still perpetually tired. The quest for “having it all” can be draining, and amidst the countless discussions about leaning in or leaning out, I feel one crucial aspect is often overlooked: the individual experience of each woman—the real mom. The one who finds herself leaning in, out, over, and back so much that she teeters on the edge of collapse. Most days, that’s me.
I’ve found myself multitasking in ways I never imagined. Changing a diaper during a conference call? Check. Breastfeeding while grading assignments? Double check. Pumping in the car between meetings? You bet. While those moments may be solitary—thankfully, I was alone in the car—they are emblematic of a struggle many of us face: balancing professional and personal responsibilities simultaneously, striving to excel in both areas.
The notion of “having it all” manifests differently for each of us. Some may look at my life and wonder why I feel entitled to speak on this subject, assuming that my role as a work-from-home mom means I’m just a stay-at-home mom in disguise, shopping at Trader Joe’s with two energetic toddlers. However, between grocery runs, zoo visits, and park outings, I work part-time (or full-time, depending on the day) across various jobs. I write, teach, consult, volunteer, parent, breastfeed, cook, and manage laundry—though cleaning? That took me two years to decide I should definitely outsource. On most days, I feel like the peddler from the story “Caps for Sale.”
If you haven’t revisited that tale recently, it begins with a peddler who sells caps—not in the usual way, but stacked precariously atop his head. First, he wore his own checked cap, followed by gray, brown, and blue caps, topped off with a vibrant bunch of red ones. The image resonates with me deeply. We often hear phrases like “you wear many hats,” but the visual from that story struck me hard. The peddler looks utterly ridiculous. It’s clear he’s complicating his life. Unsurprisingly, halfway through the book, he takes a break under a tree and dozes off. This perfectly illustrates modern motherhood. So many of us are burdened by seemingly endless responsibilities.
If you can relate to my experience, you may find that the advice you offer your children often applies to you as well. Just the other night, I told my daughter, “Just because you can’t have cookies right now doesn’t mean you’ll never have cookies. It’s dinnertime, so let’s eat our meal first. The cookies will still be there after dinner.” Simple, yet profound.
When do we ever expect to have everything we desire at once? Why do I insist on wanting cookies while I eat dinner? (Maybe it’s simply because I’m tired and they sound delicious.) Why do I chase the idea of “having it all” when it essentially means wanting everything at the same time? I’ve created a daunting pile of responsibilities, but when I pause to reflect, I realize I don’t need all these “hats” weighing me down.
The truth is, we’ve come to believe that we must achieve our every desire simultaneously, which is not only daunting but often unrealistic. I’m not advocating for you to stop leaning in or leaning out, but if you find yourself leaning excessively, it may be wise to stand tall, assess your surroundings, and reconsider the purpose behind all that leaning.
I could end this discussion with the common refrain that your kids are only little once or that your career is at a crucial juncture. But that’s not the heart of this conversation. We are all unique individuals navigating our paths. I don’t presume to know which responsibilities you should prioritize or discard.
The takeaway is simple: as individual mothers, we juggle numerous roles and responsibilities. Many of these roles enrich our lives, but some do not. I’m learning that it’s perfectly acceptable to shed a few hats. In fact, it might be the best decision we can make. By lightening our load, we may find ourselves better equipped to manage the roles we choose to retain. And rest assured, those other responsibilities will still be waiting for us after dinner.
For more insights into this journey, check out this post about navigating the complexities of motherhood. If you’re considering home insemination options, this reputable retailer offers quality syringe kits to get you started. Additionally, this resource provides valuable information on pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, we do a lot as mothers. We accomplish great things and juggle many responsibilities, but it’s essential to recognize that we don’t have to carry all those hats at the same time. Sometimes, taking a step back and simplifying our load can lead to greater fulfillment in the roles we choose to embrace.
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