“Leave bathroom conversations out of your relationship.” “There are just some things that should remain private.” Those who make such remarks clearly haven’t navigated the wild waters of parenthood. They probably also think that every time my partner turns the doorknob, I should be poised with perfectly applied lipstick, a spotless kitchen, and an unwavering smile that disguises the chaos of my day. Yeah, right.
Before I became a pet owner and a parent, I can’t recall ever discussing bathroom habits with my spouse. We were a bit immature and overly candid, so I’m sure those conversations happened, but they didn’t stick in my memory. Fast forward to today, and it feels like bodily functions dominate our daily dialogue. If there’s one thing I didn’t expect about parenting, it’s that poop will become a central theme in your life. Here’s how it unfolds:
6. The Daily Update
Passing the toddler to the other parent inevitably leads to the question, “Did he poop?” Countless times, my husband greets me after work, and before even exchanging hellos, I’ve already briefed him on our 13-month-old’s bowel movement details. This includes consistency and color. It’s gross to write about, but fellow moms and dads can relate: this is the reality of parenthood.
5. Diaper Change Showdown
We’ve taken bets over who will change the next diaper, with the loser taking on the dreaded task. Our son seems to view the changing table as a torture device, contorting and wailing throughout the ordeal. You leave feeling like you’ve conquered Everest, yet utterly defeated at the same time. We’ve even resorted to bribing him with candy—definitely not our proudest moment. But hey, a parent’s gotta do what a parent’s gotta do.
4. Google to the Rescue
Enter the phenomenon of “poo-searching.” Yes, I’ve Googled baby poop, including image searches, to check if my child is healthy. Once I crossed that line, there was no going back. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve delved into this rabbit hole. I hope I’m not the only one, because it sounds a bit strange. Rest assured, I always have a health-related reason behind it.
3. The Dangers of a Diaper-Free Toddler
Letting your child go without a diaper can be risky business. During one diaper change, I let my little one hold my phone. As I turned to grab a diaper, I looked back just in time to see him sitting cross-legged and peeing, my phone still in hand. Fortunately, my cell phone emerged unscathed—at least that’s what I tell myself. Sometimes, ignorance really is bliss.
2. Diaper Mishaps
You’ll remind yourself to check your child before picking up that adorable little nugget, but you won’t truly learn this lesson until you find yourself in a park bathroom, scrubbing poop off your shirt. A small child nearby will ask, “What happened?” and as you explain the accident, you’ll get that sympathetic, “I’m only seven and I feel sorry for you” look. How did this happen to someone like me? Simple. I heard my son crying and rushed to help, only to be greeted by a significant blowout that transferred directly onto my shirt.
1. Privacy? What’s That?
Your bathroom is no longer your sanctuary. As a parent, you’ll soon realize that privacy is a concept of the past. You might find your child looking up at you while you’re trying to do your business. Imagine holding your toddler while on the toilet, then attempting to pull up your pants with one hand while awkwardly shaking your hips. The whole time, your child is in a precarious hold that feels like it’s teetering on becoming a Heimlich maneuver. I swear, the last time I did the baby/pants shuffle, my little one’s expression seemed to say, “Mom, get it together.”
But let’s be honest: I’m not altogether put together. Despite what my manicured nails and blow-dried hair may suggest, I’m always just moments away from being covered in either pee or poop. Parenthood transforms you in ways you can’t imagine, often involving humbling experiences that revolve around bodily functions. For more insights into the wild ride of parenting, check out this post on Cervical Insemination.
In summary, while parenting can be messy and overwhelming, it’s also a journey filled with unexpected lessons, laughter, and camaraderie among fellow parents who understand the reality of life with little ones. Whether you’re in need of at-home insemination kits, like those available at Make a Mom, or seeking guidance through pregnancy, Progyny is an excellent resource to navigate this complex journey.
Leave a Reply