We Are a Genuine Family, Thank You Very Much

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We Are a Genuine Family, Thank You Very Much

by Emily Johnson

Updated: Aug. 16, 2019

Originally Published: Dec. 17, 2015

My family is no stranger to the barrage of questions, curious gazes, and assumptions that come our way. Ever since my partner and I embraced parenthood five and a half years ago, we’ve encountered it all.

• “Are they all yours?”
• “I can’t imagine giving my baby away.”
• “Are you the nanny?”
• “Isn’t adoption really pricey?”
• “What country are they from?”
• “Why didn’t you adopt white children?”
• “Aren’t many adopted kids, you know, somewhat troubled?”
• “Doesn’t open adoption confuse your children?”
• “OH! What a wonderful thing you did adopting children who needed good homes.”
• “Are they foster children?”
• “Aren’t you concerned their birth parents will try to reclaim them?”

We’ve had ample opportunity to practice our responses to this onslaught of remarks and inquiries. Rarely does a day pass without someone approaching us to discuss adoption.

Some might think we’ve volunteered as adoption educators. After all, we chose this path to parenthood, and our status as an adoptive family is evident. We are white, while all three of our children are black. With each passing year, we have become more outgoing, patient, and resilient. The inquiries we face have become part of our daily routine. We respond with understanding, grace, and honesty, always mindful of our children’s privacy.

However, one question consistently irks me, tightening my chest and flushing my face.

“Are they real siblings?”

Picture this: you’re in a store with your kids, and the person in front of you in line turns to glance at your fidgety children (with their constant bouncing and giggling). After a quick look, they ask, “Are they real siblings?”

It’s not what you anticipate, nor is it what you wish to hear, especially when you’re juggling a cart overflowing with groceries, diapers, and clearance finds. With your energetic little ones in tow. And, oh yes, the baby is now playing with your wallet—spreading your credit cards and coins like confetti.

Why is this unexpected? Because you’re just a regular parent trying to ensure your kids are safe, happy, and healthy. You’re simply at the store to pick up essentials—like everyone else.

Above all, your children are right there with you, deserving of respect and the freedom to just be kids. They aren’t adoption’s poster children for public interrogation.

Consider for a moment the people you cherish deeply. Your best friend, your partner, your parents, your sister’s stepson, your godchildren, or that neighbor who’s always got your back. These are the ones who’ve stood by you through thick and thin, who know your quirks and love you regardless.

Many of these important individuals aren’t your biological relatives, yet your connection with them is profound and genuine.

I’ve faced the “real” question countless times. It takes several forms, and I recognize that the person is replacing “real” with “biological.” As an adult, I understand your intent. But please consider the innocent, beautiful children at my side. The term “real” can be confusing, intrusive, and hurtful.

My children behave like any siblings would. They pull each other’s hair, share hugs, sneak toys from one another, enjoy baths together, and play games like Ring Around the Rosie. They bicker, make up, and bicker some more. They play, dance to their favorite songs, and nurture one another.

My children are real individuals with their own thoughts and feelings. Spoiler alert: They can hear you when you pepper us with questions about our family’s legitimacy.

Our love is real.
Our family is real.
It’s all real.

So the next time you see a family at the store, park, restaurant, library, or subway, and they might not look biologically related or may have come together through adoption, feel free to smile. But please, keep the word “real” to yourself.

As my mother used to say, just because you think it doesn’t mean you have to vocalize it.

For those interested in further reading on adoption and family dynamics, check out this insightful post on Cervical Insemination. Additionally, if you’re looking for reputable options for at-home insemination, visit Make A Mom for their selection of syringe kits. Also, for useful information on pregnancy and home insemination, the CDC offers excellent resources.

In summary, our family is as real as any other. We love, we argue, and we support each other through life’s ups and downs. We ask for the same respect that any family deserves, regardless of our connection.