Our family has chosen to forgo the Santa Claus tradition. It’s not that we have anything against the jolly old fellow; he simply doesn’t fit into our holiday celebrations. We enjoy films featuring Santa (those Tim Allen movies always bring a laugh), and we share the story of St. Nick with our children. However, we don’t engage in the typical Santa customs: no cookies left out, no naughty or nice lists, and definitely no gifts from the big guy.
I harbor no ill will toward the countless families who embrace the Santa tradition. Each family has its own unique customs, and for many, Santa is a cherished part of Christmas. However, I do find it a bit unsettling when people ask my kids what Santa has brought them for the holiday season.
Often, it’s strangers in the grocery store or employees at local businesses who pose this question. I recognize that they’re trying to be friendly and spark a conversation, which is perfectly fine. What bothers me are the assumptions underlying these inquiries. Firstly, it presumes that we celebrate Christmas, and secondly, that we partake in the Santa tradition. Is this due to my appearance as an everyday white woman in America? It feels a bit presumptuous, doesn’t it?
I understand that many people don’t consider these details. Most Americans celebrate Christmas, and a significant number of parents engage with the Santa story. Yet, I would never assume that a stranger in a shop automatically conforms to this narrative.
The primary reason I wince at the Santa questions is that they often place our kids—especially when they’re young—in an uncomfortable situation. It’s not just a harmless question; it carries the warmth of the season, wrapped in nostalgia and topped with a cheerful smile. When my kids respond honestly that we don’t do Santa, the interaction becomes awkward. The questioner’s smile tends to fade, even if just a little. It’s as if they feel let down, like our kids have disrupted a pleasant exchange by being truthful.
My children are naturally shy, making conversations with strangers challenging. When they encounter the question, “What did you ask Santa to bring you for Christmas?” they are faced with a dilemma. They know that answering truthfully might disappoint the person asking. I’ve witnessed this scenario unfold repeatedly, where the questioner is taken aback, leading to an uncomfortable silence, and my kids inevitably feel responsible for the awkwardness. They seek my guidance, glancing up at me with expressions that say, “What do I do now, Mom?” I often step in to clarify, keeping the mood light: “Oh, we don’t actually do Santa,” then swiftly shifting the topic. But I dislike speaking for my kids; it complicates the situation.
This discomfort could easily be avoided if people refrained from making assumptions about those they don’t know. I’m not suggesting we avoid discussing the holidays altogether—there are countless ways to engage without presuming beliefs or customs. Asking, “Do you have any special plans for the holiday break?” works well. You can even refer to it as Christmas break if that’s what you prefer. That phrasing is inclusive and neutral, unlike “What did you ask Santa to bring you for Christmas?” which carries assumptions.
This is simply a gentle request. I recognize that discussions about “Merry Christmas” versus “Happy Holidays” can be sensitive, and some people are fiercely devoted to the Santa mythos. Just remember that many families—even those who celebrate Christmas in other ways—might not engage in the Santa tradition. Your good intentions could create unnecessary awkwardness for both you and the child you’re addressing.
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In summary, as the holiday season approaches, let’s be mindful of the questions we ask. A small change in our approach can lead to more comfortable interactions for everyone involved.
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