This past summer, while enjoying a sunny day at the park, I found myself feeding my daughter in a picnic area. As I watched my partner give our son a joyful push on the swings, my attention was drawn to a young mom nearby. She was busy feeding her baby, who was around the same age as my daughter. An older woman, likely her mother, was attending to a little boy who appeared to be close to my son’s age.
As my daughter sipped her milk, I observed the young mother’s struggle when her baby started to fuss. With a hint of frustration, she exclaimed, “What do I do?” Instantly, her mother stepped in, taking the baby into her arms. “Go take Jake to the playground,” she encouraged. The young woman’s face lit up with relief, and off they went, leaving the older woman to soothe the now quiet infant.
In that moment, I felt a sharp pang of envy. I glanced at my own baby girl and was reminded of the absence that has shadowed my motherhood experience. My own mother had passed away several years ago, leaving a void that no one else can fill. I didn’t resent that young woman for having her mother support her; rather, I felt the familiar ache of wishing my mom were still here.
I long to share with her the joy of knowing she has a grandson. After spending a year in hospice care, my mother passed away when my son was just six weeks old. She loved her nephews dearly and would have been thrilled to welcome a grandson into the family. I had brought my son to visit her once, but I often wonder if she even remembered that moment.
I also wish my mother could see her granddaughter. My little girl embodies so much of her spirit—beautiful, strong-willed, and graceful. I remember my mother once saying she could “boss people around with a smile.” I can only imagine how much she would have cherished her tiny twin.
There were countless times I wished for my mother’s culinary expertise, especially in those early days after my children were born. The best cook I’ve ever known, she could replicate any dish she tasted. I can picture her joy in preparing a meal to share with me and my new baby.
In moments of panic about parenting, I yearned for my mother’s calming presence. She would have known exactly how to ease my worries and reassure me that everything would be alright. Instead, I found myself turning to Google and parenting books for guidance.
I often think about how comforting it would have been to lean on my mother during my struggles as a parent. She would have listened with understanding and compassion, something that is hard to find elsewhere. No one truly understands a mother quite like her own.
My children are missing out on a person who would have adored them beyond measure. Someone who would find their tantrums amusing and play games with them endlessly. My mother, an artist, would have been proud of her grandson’s budding creativity, and I can vividly imagine them together, creating art side by side.
Above all, I wish I could express to my mother how much I admire her. It wasn’t until I became a parent myself that I realized the depth of her strength. Balancing the demands of raising two children, managing a household, and pursuing a master’s degree in clinical psychology, she dedicated her life to helping those in need.
If you find yourself in a similar situation, you understand the ache of missing a mother while navigating the beautiful yet challenging journey of parenthood. It can feel like an unfillable void, but I often sense my mother’s presence in my children. Her kindness shines through my daughter’s smile, and her fiery spirit lives on in my son. I hope that wherever she may be, she knows how proud I am to carry on her legacy.
For those interested in exploring more about motherhood and fertility options, check out this insightful blog post on navigating parental challenges. If you’re considering at-home insemination, visit Make a Mom for reliable kits. Also, for comprehensive information on fertility services, Johns Hopkins Medicine is an excellent resource.
Summary:
Being a mom without the guiding presence of your own mother can be a profound challenge. The loss creates an emotional void that is felt especially during pivotal moments in parenting. Yet, the legacy of love and strength from our mothers can often be seen in our children, providing comfort and connection even in their absence.
Leave a Reply