As a mom to a 12-year-old boy, I always anticipated the moment when he would look me straight in the eye and declare, “I hate you!” To my surprise, it happened much earlier than expected—he was only 11 when he first voiced those words. In that instant, the immature side of me wanted to retort, “Well, I hate you too!” But of course, I didn’t truly hate him; I just found myself a bit frustrated at that moment, and I knew he didn’t actually hate me either.
Instead of snapping back, I took a breath, looked at his freckled, upset face, and replied, “Then my job here is done,” before leaving the room. I wish I could claim that phrase as my own, but it was a line borrowed from Roseanne Barr’s iconic sitcom from the late 80s and early 90s. That quip perfectly captured my feelings; my son was upset because he wasn’t getting his way, and I had stood firm, despite his momentary frustration. As hard as it can be, that exchange signified that I was doing something right as a parent.
Now that he’s officially in the tumultuous phase of puberty, his mood swings are intense, and he’s wrestling with the conflicting feelings of still needing his mom and wanting to push me away because, apparently, I am SO EMBARRASSING. It’s normal for him not to like me all the time, and that’s perfectly fine. I know, without a doubt, that despite those fleeting moments of dislike, he loves me, feels secure with me, and recognizes that I’m the one in charge.
The Balance of Parenting
As parents, we’ve all been there—trying to be our kids’ best friend at times. Who doesn’t love it when their child hugs them with enthusiasm, reveling in the joy of a surprise treat or an extra hour of screen time? In those moments, we’re the ultimate BFFs, and it feels great. However, the truth is that we’re not meant to be best friends; we’re meant to be parents. Sometimes, that role can feel thankless and challenging, as we set boundaries that we once resented ourselves. (Have I convinced you to have a baby yet?)
Despite the difficulties of being the “boss” to a small, angry person, this is, without a doubt, the most rewarding job I’ve ever had. Soon after I left his room, he found me and stood at my bedroom door, still flushed from his emotional outburst. “You stole that,” he said, looking slightly amused.
Feigning innocence, I asked, “Stole what?”
“You got that from Roseanne!” he exclaimed.
We exchanged incredulous looks, and soon laughter erupted between us. He joined me on the bed, still chuckling. “I knew I recognized that!”
We ended up watching that episode together, further cementing our bond. The moment of “hatred” had passed, and it was a reminder of how I introduced him to my favorite shows from my childhood, which is likely why he knows way too much about Seinfeld, Roseanne, and Beverly Hills, 90210. And you know what? I cherish that connection. I’m sure he’ll express his “hatred” for me many more times in the future, and while I may not always have the perfect comeback, deep down, I’ll understand that it’s all part of my parenting journey.
Parenting Wisdom from Roseanne
As a side note, I’ve discovered that Roseanne is full of parenting wisdom, something I didn’t fully appreciate until revisiting it as an adult. But that’s a topic for another time. If you’re interested in learning more about parenting and home insemination, check out this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, navigating the emotional rollercoaster of parenting a pre-teen is no easy feat. Moments of tension can lead to laughter and connection, illustrating that while our kids may express frustration, our roles as parents are crucial for their development and safety.
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