If you have an aging parent facing health challenges, and live far away, you might find yourself in a conversation that feels all too familiar:
“How did your doctor’s appointment go?”
“Fine, I guess,” they reply.
“Did you get any answers? What did the doctor say?”
“I’m not sure. More tests are coming.”
“And what about the results from the tests they already did?”
“Still waiting.”
“Why? Are they not ready?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t understand what the woman said.”
“What woman? The doctor or someone else?”
“Maybe a nurse… her name was something like… Barilla? No, Barillo, like pasta.”
“What’s next?”
“I’m not sure.”
Reassuring, right? I’ve had similar exchanges with both my grandparents and parents, and being miles away makes it all the more heartbreaking. I’ve attempted to intervene with phone calls and letters, but HIPAA regulations leave me in the dark. My family finds themselves in limbo, waiting for their next appointments, often alone.
As baby boomers reach their golden years, I belong to the “sandwich generation,” a group of Gen Xers who juggle parenting young children while also worrying about our aging parents. The nation is on the brink of an eldercare crisis, as highlighted by Emma Stone in her insightful book, The Age of Dignity. With a growing elderly population, many will require assistance—whether for daily tasks like cooking and cleaning, or more extensive needs like round-the-clock care. Unfortunately, the infrastructure for helping seniors who wish to “age in place” is severely lacking. The CDC defines aging in place as “the ability to live in one’s own home and community safely, independently, and comfortably, regardless of age, income, or ability level.”
A significant part of the issue stems from our health insurance system. While doctors can prescribe a limited number of home visits, there are few resources for seniors needing consistent support. So, your mother—who isn’t ready for a nursing home but requires daily check-ins—receives no assistance at all.
Stone presents several solutions in her book, many of which are already being implemented in other countries. In Japan, for instance, every individual over 65 can apply for benefits and receive an assessment to qualify for varying levels of care. This approach acknowledges that age-related decline is often a prolonged challenge that cannot be resolved with just a handful of home health aide visits.
Some innovative communities in the U.S. are tackling the aging-in-place dilemma. The Brookings Institution recently featured “villages”—support networks for senior citizens, similar to intentional communities but where individuals remain in their own homes. These are nonprofit organizations funded by member dues, offering services like transportation, social events, discounted medical care, and volunteers for various needs (from furniture moving to tech assistance). Although not widespread, these villages are primarily found in urban and suburban areas (Washington, D.C., has 10 of them). For more details, check the Village to Village network.
Clearly, a major overhaul of the eldercare system is necessary—one that allows seniors to age at home with dignity and compensates caregivers fairly. Until then, we must rely on these scattered solutions. The Village to Village network has options in my parents’ state, including a service called “medical notetaker,” which seems useful.
For further insights, explore this informative blog post on aging in place. Also, if you’re considering options for at-home insemination, check out Make A Mom for reliable insemination kits. And for a comprehensive guide on pregnancy and home insemination, visit WomensHealth.gov.
In summary, supporting our aging parents in their desire to remain at home is a growing concern that requires our attention and action. With innovative solutions emerging, we can help our loved ones maintain their independence and dignity as they navigate this challenging phase of life.
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