When I think about my approach to parenting, it often feels like I’m opting for the tougher road. For instance, if my kids forget to greet the people in the elevator, I give them “the look” and follow it up with a ten-minute lecture. Sure, I could choose to overlook their lack of courtesy or simply praise their every action, but I can’t bring myself to ignore ungratefulness or a lack of empathy. Each day, I prepare myself to tackle these challenges head-on, with the hope of raising respectful individuals. Here are ten principles that require immense dedication but can lead to the development of decent human beings.
1. Honesty in Losing
I don’t sugarcoat outcomes when my child loses a game or competition. While I strive to be gentle, it’s crucial for them to understand that in most sports, there’s often a winner and a loser. If you’re new to parenting, I encourage you to explain this reality to your kids. Handing out trophies to everyone undermines the very essence of competition.
2. Selective Art Display
I don’t plaster every piece of artwork on the fridge. While I value creativity, I draw the line at half-hearted doodles. If my daughter, Lily, scribbles a few lines and demands to showcase it, I have to gently decline. Not every piece is a masterpiece!
3. Birthday Party Approval
Before I agree to let my kids attend a birthday party, they must present a five-point case for why they should go. I ask about their relationship with the birthday child, their interests, and if they’re willing to buy a gift. This helps them think critically about their social engagements.
4. Respecting Food Choices
I refuse to force-feed my kids. You won’t hear me say, “If you don’t eat this, then…” I worry about them developing a negative relationship with food. I do set boundaries: this is what’s for dinner; if they don’t like it, they can choose not to eat.
5. Lunch Packing Simplicity
I don’t engage in elaborate lunch-packing rituals. While I admire those parents who create artistic food arrangements, I simply lack the creativity. My kids won’t find sandwiches shaped like dinosaurs in their lunch boxes—sorry, not happening!
6. Electronic Device Limits
We enforce “electronic bans” at home to prevent the brain-numbing state that screens can induce. There are designated times when all devices are off-limits, although I often find myself hiding from the ensuing chaos.
7. Embracing Imaginative Play
I don’t prohibit my boys from engaging in imaginary war games. While my daughter entertains herself with dolls, my boys dive into their make-believe adventures, blending the worlds of glitter and Nerf guns in a typical day at home.
8. Incentives for Better Behavior
I utilize bribery when necessary. If my kids are acting out just before guests arrive, I’ll offer them a tempting incentive. I make sure to remind them that if they mention the bribe, the deal’s off—it’s a clever tactic that usually works.
9. Discussing Tough Topics
When the subject of death arises, I engage my kids in an open dialogue. When a celebrity passed away, my son had questions, and I felt it was important to address them honestly. Avoiding the topic can be unhealthy, and I believe kids often appreciate these mature conversations.
10. The Three-Minute Rule
I’ve adopted the “Three-Minute Law,” which emphasizes the significance of the first and last three minutes of a child’s day. I wake them gently each morning and ask about their plans. At night, I check in with them about their day. This simple practice fosters a stronger connection.
I’ve encountered various philosophies about letting kids navigate their own paths, but I’ve seen too many unkind adults to fully embrace that mindset. I believe in providing my children with a healthy dose of reality—wrapped in love. Hopefully, one day, they will apply these lessons in real-life situations, growing into decent human beings. In the meantime, I’ll be busy explaining to my 10-year-old why it’s unacceptable to treat me like a waitress!
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In summary, raising respectful and empathetic kids is not always easy, but by applying these ten strategies, you can guide them toward becoming decent individuals.
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