Dear Emily,
Long before you graced this world, I was a teenager navigating the tumultuous waters of adolescence. Yes, I, too, experienced that bubbling angst, the eye rolls (sorry, Mom and Dad), and the ever-persistent cramps that come with being a young girl. Trust me, I remember.
It’s a shame we don’t have kids when we’re still kids ourselves. If only we could. In a rather ironic twist on the typical teenage pregnancy talk, my message is simple: have your children after you’ve tackled school, your career, and found the right partner. Don’t wait too long. The further you drift from your own teenage days, the harder it becomes to connect with the emotions, pressures, and heartaches that come with being a teen in today’s world. I’ve become what we all dread—an out-of-touch parent.
Emily, I know it sounds unbelievable, but there was a time when I had crushes on boys just like you. I remember calling their houses, only to have their dads answer and then quickly hanging up in embarrassment. The phrase “slam the phone down” might seem archaic to you—let’s just say I attempted to end the call with a vigorous tap of the button.
Oh, how I wish I had access to Snapchat, Instagram, and Facebook back in the day! Imagine the informed choices I could have made about my crushes if I could simply “friend” them and see their bathroom selfies or flexing shots in fancy filters. I’ve been there—well, sort of. We share some similarities. You no longer have to deal with acne, for which I’m grateful. You have fantastic friends, just as I did at your age. You’re immersed in music, knowing the names of all the artists. I take pride in my musical knowledge, inherited from my dad, your grandpa.
Would you have chatted with me in high school? Or would we have merely exchanged smiles in the hall, never truly connecting? Did we share classes? Did we choose the same meals at lunchtime?
At 14, I loved skiing and cozying up at home on chilly winter nights with my dog. I played the clarinet and had a plethora of hobbies, but often felt invisible at school, blending in with the crowd. Do you ever feel like that?
I remember trying to make people laugh, often at my own expense. Joking about how the school pizza resembled brains—it really did! I’d sneak up on friends in the hallway, attempting to scare them. And then there was that infamous French Club picture, where I inadvertently ruined the shot with my friend Sarah.
My fashion choices were equally memorable. I sported earrings the size of bagels, button-down shirts, and penny loafers. The ’80s were a wild time—unicorn sweaters and corduroy pants were all the rage! I’m sure my parents rejoiced when feathered hair went out of style, sparing them from regular haircuts to maintain that look. Kind of like how we’re all counting the days until short shorts fade away.
At 14, I was incredibly close to my parents. I skipped band camp out of fear of leaving home for a week and passed on a French class trip to Quebec for the very same reason. I can almost hear your eyes rolling at this. And yes, I even dressed up my dog for New Year’s Eve, which probably explains why I spent the holiday with him in the first place.
I had the best friends who allowed me to be my quirky self, much like the friendships you’ve formed. My childhood best friend, Tara, lived just down the street, and we were inseparable until graduation pulled us apart. You’ve had your own ups and downs, yet you’ve built incredible friendships since starting high school, and you have your own “Tara” living just nearby.
My teenage days were filled with musk perfume, towering bangs, and blue eyeshadow. I’d spend hours dancing to “I Feel For You” by Chaka Khan, locked away in my room. I experienced crushes on numerous boys but never had a boyfriend. I was too busy perfecting my dance moves and dressing up my dog. I made mixtapes from the radio on rainy days and roller-skated around the neighborhood with friends, all while listening to the Footloose soundtrack.
I played basketball for hours with my dad, sometimes even in the dark. Despite the dog hats and unicorn sweaters, we’re not that different, you and I. Yes, there are generational gaps, but many things remain constant. Your teenage years can be incredibly challenging, and as a parent, I sometimes feel this journey is even tougher. There have been tears, shouting matches, and sleepless nights—most of which were on my end. Learning the social rules, like not hugging you in public or avoiding embarrassing outfits at school events, has been a struggle.
But I cling to the hope that one day, I can publicly hold your hand without concern for onlookers. For now, I’ll savor those sideways glances at the remarkable young woman I helped bring into this world. I remember that I was 14 once, too—and I turned out pretty well.
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Summary
This heartfelt letter captures the essence of being a teenager, reflecting on the similarities between generations while navigating the challenges of parenting. It emphasizes the importance of understanding and connecting with one’s children, reminding them that growing up is a shared experience.
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