Navigating the complexities of motherhood can often feel like treading through muddy waters, especially when trying to meet both familial and societal expectations. At some point, you might catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and wonder, “Who is this person?” You may have been feeling lost, overwhelmed, and merely surviving from one moment to the next. Remember the version of yourself who had everything together? The one others sought out for advice on how to “have it all”?
As mothers, we often place ourselves at the bottom of our priority lists, believing that’s what good parenting entails. We forgo those beautiful shoes we’ve been eyeing because our child needs yet another shirt that will only be worn a handful of times. We skip trips to the gym, convincing ourselves that any free time should be devoted to our kids. We rush through meals standing in the kitchen, neglect our personal grooming (unpleasant, but true), and fill our calendars with endless activities and playdates—all in the name of motherhood.
There are many reasons for this self-neglect. For one, our love for our children is immense, making it natural to prioritize their needs. Additionally, we’re inundated with images of perfect “Pinterest moms” and articles insisting women must constantly strive to do it all. But what happens when you give everything and end up collapsing under the pressure? In our pursuit of this unattainable ideal, we often lose sight of ourselves.
I, too, found myself trapped in this exhausting cycle. When I was with my kids, my mind was elsewhere, consumed by endless obligations. My body was present, but my thoughts were preoccupied. My husband and I began to function more like a team than true partners. My work was suffering, my passion was fading, and I was questioning my very purpose.
After years of running this invisible race, I decided that finishing last no longer bothered me. The extra stress I was inflicting on myself wasn’t helping my family or me. To be the best mother, partner, and friend, I realized I needed to make myself a top priority. I needed to reconnect with my essence and envision who I wanted to become.
Once you identify a problem, you become the architect of your solution. And that’s precisely what I did. I chose to prioritize myself, which enabled me to be a better support for my family. I discovered that my children were just as satisfied with one activity as they would have been with three. I established boundaries for work hours, and when those limits were stretched, I found a job that aligned better with my life. Although I had to tap into my 401(k) during this transition, it proved worthwhile.
I rekindled my relationship with my husband by instituting weekly movie nights after the kids were in bed. We began sharing meals at the dining table, allowing for more uninterrupted conversations. It sounds idyllic, doesn’t it? I committed to exercising two to three times a week, which soon became part of my routine. I even allowed myself guilt-free Sunday afternoon naps. Now, when I engage with my family, I am truly present, and we all savor those moments together.
Of course, if you lack a strong support system or partner, making these changes can be challenging. However, you can often find neighbors or friends who are equally desperate for “me” time. For instance, when my spouse traveled for work, I teamed up with a neighbor in a similar situation. We took turns watching each other’s children and even cooked extra meals for one another. Sometimes, just enjoying a glass of wine and chatting while our kids played was a much-needed respite.
Implementing small changes can lead to significant improvements in your life. As you begin to prioritize your own needs, it becomes easier to embrace self-care. Remember, you deserve happiness just as much as anyone else, and it is within your reach. Start choosing yourself.
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Summary
Motherhood often leads women to neglect their own well-being in favor of their children’s needs. However, prioritizing oneself can improve not only personal happiness but also enhance family life. By making small changes such as establishing boundaries, reconnecting with partners, and seeking support from others, mothers can reclaim their identities and foster healthier relationships with their families.
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