Navigating Costco with Kids: A Survival Guide

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It’s a scenario many parents face: you finally carve out a free morning in your busy schedule, and the ambitious side of you decides it’s time to tackle that ever-growing to-do list. First on the agenda? A trip to the colossal warehouse store down the street for a new set of tires, all while wrangling two little ones. It may feel daunting, but fear not! This comprehensive guide will equip you with the strategies needed to conquer Costco with kids in tow.

Let’s dive in:

1. Convince yourself that picking up tires at Costco is indeed a solid plan.
2. Choose to brave Costco on a bustling Friday morning, alongside the rest of the Bay Area.
3. Decide that taking your 3-year-old and 8-month-old is a brilliant idea.
4. Stand in line at the tire shop and notice the queue stretching five deep. “No problem,” you think. “I can handle this!”
5. Suddenly realize you’re left without snacks, coloring materials, or toys to keep the kids entertained.
6. Do nothing about point five.
7. Initiate a game of hide-and-seek among the tires—it’s safe, right?
8. Challenge your toddler to a race through the tires, hoping to tire him out for an afternoon nap.
9. Attempt to get your toddler to sit calmly on the floor.
10. Understandably, this plan doesn’t work.
11. Dig out your journal and the lone pen from your purse, encouraging your little one to draw “anything.”
12. Chase after your toddler as he makes a break for it.
13. Grab him by the shirt just in time.
14. Consolation time for the now-wailing escapee.
15. Comfort the baby you’d nearly forgotten about, who’s now crying too.
16. Apologize to your baby: “Mama loves you, I promise!”
17. Off you go again, chasing after the little runaway.
18. Start questioning your decision not to use a child harness.
19. Join the other parents in line, sharing sympathetic glances.
20. Secretly wish someone would let you cut ahead.
21. Recover from the shock when an older gentleman asks to cut in front of you, claiming he just needs to return a tire.
22. Consider his request and feel guilty for saying no.
23. Firmly but politely decline, pointing to your toddler and baby as evidence.
24. Avoid eye contact with the old man for the next 25 minutes.
25. Hope he doesn’t harbor any ill will toward you.
26. Shush yourself as you chase after your little one again, swearing off the need for people’s approval.
27. Intervene as your toddler climbs the ladder.
28. Stop him from jumping off the cart while shouting “Yeehaw!”
29. Let out a sigh of relief as you finally approach the cash register.
30. Hand over some colored Sharpies for him to scribble with.
31. Wonder why you didn’t head to the register sooner.
32. Get hit with a three-hour wait time for your tires.
33. Realize that sticking around for another three hours is nonsensical.
34. Leave the tire center without the new tires you came for.
35. Feel a surreal moment as you drag your two kids toward the main store.
36. Watch your toddler shout “Grapes! Grapes! Grapes!” at the top of his lungs after you deny him the four-pound bag.
37. Give in and let him hold the grapes.
38. Meander over to the alcohol section.
39. Think to yourself, “It’s 5 o’clock somewhere,” and treat yourself to a nice bottle of chardonnay—promising to keep it in check.
40. Sample No. 1: Ravioli! Yum!
41. Steer clear of the discount books and congratulate yourself on supporting local bookstores, vowing to tackle the unread 89 books at home.
42. Listen as your toddler starts crying for “Pajamaaaaaaaas!” when you refuse to let him wear his new pajamas in the store.
43. Sample No. 2: Salad!
44. Wipe away tears from your toddler’s face.
45. Endure the disapproving looks from strangers as you deny your little one a moment of joy.
46. Thank the heavens for sample No. 3: Coffee!
47. Head toward the checkout line, hoping you picked the shortest one.
48. Suddenly, your toddler shouts “Potty!” and your heart sinks.
49. Sprint toward the restrooms, only to find a chain-link fence blocking your path.
50. Recall your younger days of fence-hopping as you navigate baby in the carrier and toddler in your arms.
51. Forget to notice your older son has an accident—right on you—as you run.
52. Set him on the toilet, facing you, hoping for the best.
53. Feel a wetness on your hip and connect the dots—he just soaked you.
54. In an effort to make him feel better, allow him to wear the denied pajama bottoms.
55. Celebrate silently; you’re almost done here!
56. Picture the Instagram post possibilities: two brothers in one cart!
57. Secure the baby in the cart just as the toddler bolts in the opposite direction.
58. Stand frozen in horror as he ignores your calls to “Stop!”
59. Abandon your cart—food, purse, everything—to chase after this speedy little one.
60. Realize he’s faster than you, vowing to hit the gym more often.
61. Watch him round a corner and mutter, “I can’t be doing this.”
62. Return to your cart, only to see an elderly lady pushing it forward.
63. Hope she’s not trying to snatch your child away.
64. Utter a hesitant “Um, thank you?”
65. Secure the now-wailing toddler into the cart beside his baby brother.
66. Yell “Gentle!” as big brother instigates a wrestling match.
67. Get back in line, again.
68. Miss the chance for that Instagram shot.
69. Gaze in disbelief at your bill for all the things you never knew you needed when you originally just wanted tires.

In summary, shopping at Costco with kids is not for the faint-hearted, but with a little patience and a sense of humor, you can make it through! If you’re looking for more tips on navigating parenthood, check out our other blog posts, like this one on intra-cervical insemination. And if you’re in need of at-home insemination supplies, Make a Mom has you covered with their syringe kits. For those exploring pregnancy options, NHS offers valuable resources.