As I prepare to leave for a four-day conference, my thoughts are filled with a mix of excitement and concern for my family. My youngest is currently in a clingy phase, making my absence particularly challenging. Recently, when I had to leave for an early meeting, my daughter threw a tantrum that lasted an entire hour. Both of my girls are accustomed to having both parents around, so it won’t be easy for my partner, Ethan, to manage on his own for several days. But I know he’ll handle it just fine.
Countless times, people have asked if Ethan needs help or if I’m worried about how he will cope. The truth is, I have no worries about him whatsoever.
When our eldest was just a baby, Ethan took her on a solo trip to visit his parents. It was their first daddy-daughter adventure, and although I was busy breastfeeding and staying home, I felt completely at ease. He packed a cooler with her bottles and off they went. Afterward, my mother-in-law called to rave about how wonderful it was that I allowed him to take her alone, claiming I was helping him become a great father. I quickly set the record straight, insisting that he was naturally a wonderful dad, independent of my influence. I distinctly recall saying, “Why do people assume I’m the one shaping him?”
This sentiment is something I’ve encountered repeatedly over the years, especially as I prepare for my trip. Comments regarding parenting roles often surface—like the time I overheard someone refer to Ethan as “babysitting” when he was simply spending time with our kids. Yes, there’s a traditional division of labor in our household—like I handle cooking while he takes out the trash—but when it comes to parenting, we strive for equal partnership.
We made a conscious decision to embrace shared parenting, a concept we resonated with from our readings years ago. Even though I physically bear the children and nurse them in the early days, our commitment to co-parenting has remained strong. Yet, despite our efforts, the term “babysitting” still gets thrown around. This week, my youngest asked, “Is Daddy going to babysit us?” I was taken aback and called my eldest over for a quick lesson.
“Listen, girls,” I began, “a Mommy is a parent, and a Daddy is a parent. A babysitter is someone who looks after you when your Mommy and Daddy can’t.” I wanted to clarify their understanding, knowing they would hear mixed messages from others.
My daughters nodded but I needed further confirmation. “What is a Mommy?” I quizzed. “A babysitter!” my eldest cheekily replied. “No! A Mommy is a parent!” my little one insisted.
It’s crucial for them to understand that their parents are partners in this journey, fostering trust and teamwork. When Ethan is with the kids, I trust him completely, and he offers me the same confidence.
So, as I prepare to board my flight early tomorrow morning, I’ll be missing them dearly but I won’t worry. Instead, I’ll just wish they were coming along. Parenting is a shared responsibility, not a role defined by traditional labels.
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Summary
In a world where parenting roles are often misconstrued, it’s essential to recognize that fathers are not babysitters; they are equally involved parents. As I prepare for a brief trip away from my family, I trust my partner to handle the responsibilities of parenting without hesitation. Our commitment to shared parenting empowers us both, ensuring our children understand that they have two dedicated and capable parents.
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