This summer, I caught up with an old friend who recently started working at the student health center of our local state university. Naturally, I was eager to learn about the typical issues she encounters, whether it be common colds, contraception, or other concerns. With my daughter now in college, I often find myself seeking advice from those in the know, especially since, like any concerned parent, I worry about issues like binge drinking and unprotected sex. To my surprise, my friend, speaking softly, revealed, “I see a lot of anxiety.”
“Really? Even in this environment?” I asked, incredulous. I spent six years at this university for both my undergraduate and graduate studies, and it never struck me as an anxiety-inducing place. Sure, there were stressful moments—like the time I received a D on my math final, a feeling that still makes my stomach churn. I kept that to myself, too embarrassed to share it with friends or even my parents, who never discussed grades with me. I managed to talk myself through that day, and soon, the feeling subsided. I recovered and ended up with a C in the course. Yet, according to another friend who counsels students, today’s youth seem to lack those same self-soothing skills. “They struggle to manage their emotions,” he explained. “I have to teach them how to navigate their feelings.”
Coping Skills: A Nebulous Concept
Coping skills—what a nebulous concept. How does one even teach these? Are they inherent or do they develop over time? Numerous articles discuss the struggles of the millennial generation, particularly when they transition to college. Professors at the university speak of a cultural shift that has occurred over the past few decades—parents who call about grades, accompany their children to admissions offices, and intervene when their kids face challenges. We’ve been discussing this trend for years, but the recent rise in suicide clusters at selective colleges and the surge of anxiety and mental health issues in campus counseling centers (a 13 percent increase in just two years) raises important questions. What’s really going on?
Recently, I finished reading How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kids for Success by Julie Lythcott-Haims, which urges parents to step back from overparenting and equip their children with essential life skills, including coping mechanisms. I found myself nodding in agreement as she described our current parenting culture, one that often rushes to resolve conflicts, labels them as bullying, and neglects to allow kids to learn from adversity. It’s all too familiar. I see it in my own life more than I’d like to admit.
The Role of Social Media
Friends who advocate for fostering independence in their children have pointed to social media as a contributing factor to this anxiety epidemic. The “curated self” phenomenon—where individuals present a polished, happy facade on platforms like Instagram and Snapchat—creates unrealistic expectations. Just days before heading off to college, my daughter excitedly shared photos of an upperclassman from her school, a prestigious liberal arts college known for its outdoor programs and high-achieving students. “Look at everything she’s done!” my daughter exclaimed, swiping through pictures of this young woman hiking in Nepal and skiing in exotic locales. It’s easy to forget that behind those perfect images, self-doubt and struggles likely exist.
My daughter is fiercely independent, not easily overwhelmed. From an early age, she was all about “self.” She’s adept at managing her homework, cooking, and even laundry. As she navigated her senior year, she took charge of her college applications, wrote essays, and prepared for the SAT—all while maintaining a reasonable bedtime. She’s traveled alone in New York City, switched planes by herself, and even tackled outdoor adventures with friends, insisting her outdoor-expert dad stay behind so they could find their way without help. She believes in her ability to solve problems, often even enjoying the thrill of getting lost. Lythcott-Haims would surely commend her.
Understanding Emotional Landscapes
But how well does she understand her emotional landscape? How skilled is she at self-reflection? Can she effectively manage feelings of homesickness or loneliness? I can’t say for certain. I don’t envision this resilient, optimistic child spiraling into despair, yet I recognize from my own life that challenges will arise. Adults know that feelings of homesickness and self-doubt eventually pass—if one realizes that these emotions are universal and that everyone experiences them, regardless of what they portray online.
The Need for Cultural Change
There are no straightforward solutions to the complex issues our children face as they approach adulthood. I agree with friends who point out that curbing overparenting is only part of the answer. My daughter exemplifies independence and practical life skills, but the influence of social media remains pervasive. Furthermore, the prevailing culture sends strong messages about success that our children seem to internalize—messages that need to evolve to encompass a broader range of post-high school options beyond merely attending competitive colleges. While we’ve attempted to counteract these notions in our laid-back community, it’s a constant battle. Nevertheless, open conversations among us are vital. Some of us need to ease the pressure. After all, the stakes are too high; too many kids are struggling.
For more insights on related topics, check out this post for additional perspectives on parenting and cultural shifts in our society. If you’re interested in home insemination options, consider visiting reputable retailers like Make a Mom to find quality at-home insemination kits. For those looking for comprehensive information on the IVF process, Parents.com offers excellent resources.
In summary, it’s crucial to recognize the cultural changes impacting our children’s emotional well-being. While independence is essential, we must also foster resilience and coping strategies to help them navigate the complexities of life.
Leave a Reply