When I discovered I was expecting twin girls, tears of joy filled my eyes. I already had the most wonderful nearly 2-year-old son, and for as long as I can remember, I had fantasized about having twin girls. There were moments in my childhood when I even tried to convince my mother that I had a secret twin somewhere in the world, just waiting to be found.
However, alongside my excitement came a wave of anxiety. I had learned that daughters of mothers with eating disorders are 11 times more likely to develop similar issues. With a long history of battling anorexia mostly behind me, I couldn’t shake the fear that my struggles with body image and food could somehow imprint on my precious little girls.
I refuse to let that happen.
And so, to my daughters, I make these promises:
1. Mirror Moments
I promise that when we stand together in front of the mirror, I’ll be the one to point out if you have food stuck in your teeth or if your skirt is tucked into your underwear. Your weight won’t be my focus, and you will never hear me comment on mine.
2. Family Dinners
I promise that during our family dinners, I will eat alongside you. My plate won’t just be filled with steamed broccoli while yours overflows with pasta. We will enjoy meals together, engage in conversations about food, and relish the experience. Food is not our enemy.
3. Body Positivity
I promise to help you recognize that your body can accomplish incredible things. Regardless of its shape, it will always be a reflection of a beautiful, healthy, and strong girl.
4. Respectful Conversations
I promise that when we discuss other women—and we will—I won’t tolerate shaming or negative language. We will have open conversations about bodies, but derogatory terms will not be part of our vocabulary. I will never compare you to others, especially not to one another.
5. Defining Your Worth
I promise that when others speak about you—and they certainly will—I will ensure their words don’t define who you are. Terms like “fat” or “disgusting” will remain just that: words. I will comfort you when you’re upset, and while I may want to confront those who speak poorly of you, I will respect your strength and independence.
6. Healthy Coping
I promise that when life gets tough and my instincts tell me to withdraw, stop eating, or lie about my meals or exercise, I will remind myself that the fleeting control I might seek over my weight is not worth the potential harm to you.
7. Open Dialogue
If you ever express a desire to go on a diet, I promise to engage in an open dialogue about it. Inside, I may panic, fearing that anorexia has crept into the minds of my beautiful daughters, but I won’t let that show. We’ll talk it through, find solutions together, and dieting will not be an option.
8. No Scales
I promise that scales will have no place in our home. Your happiness and self-worth will never be dictated by a number.
9. Keeping Insecurities Private
When I find myself frustrated over my stomach, arms, or thighs, I vow not to voice those thoughts around you. I will keep those insecurities to myself, as they are mine to bear—not yours.
10. Sharing My Story
I promise to eventually share my story with you. I’ll tell you about the years I can barely remember due to the impact of malnutrition. I’ll show you pictures from times when my hair was thinning and my skin was stretched tightly over bones. I’ll answer your questions about my experiences in a psychiatric rehabilitation center for girls with eating disorders and how my parents feared for their daughter’s survival. I hope you can grasp the depth of my commitment to preventing such a fate for you.
Most importantly, I swear that the battle with anorexia that has raged within me for the past two decades will not be yours to fight. I own it, and I am determined to keep it separate from you. This is my struggle, not yours.
In summary, I am dedicated to ensuring that my daughters grow up free from the burdens of eating disorders. Through communication, support, and a commitment to healthy habits, I strive to create an environment where they can thrive.
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