Admitting that our sex life was lacking was not easy, but the truth was unavoidable. The rare moments we spent together intimately were impacting not just our relationship but our entire family dynamic.
With my ongoing battle against rheumatoid arthritis and the demanding nature of parenting two toddlers, my husband and I found ourselves stuck in a rut. Mornings, filled with little ones waking up early and bouncing off the walls, made spontaneous intimacy nearly impossible. I would wake with hopes of saving energy for my husband later, only to be met with toddler chaos that drained my resolve. By the time evening rolled around, and the kids were finally asleep, I was too exhausted to even engage in a conversation, let alone anything more passionate.
It was clear that we needed to make a change, which led us to the unconventional idea of scheduling sex. Initially, the thought felt unromantic and forced. My husband worried it would just add another item to my already overwhelming to-do list. However, with our libidos out of sync and limited time alone, we decided to give it a shot.
As we deliberated on the best night to set aside, we quickly realized that our relationship was missing more than just the physical aspect of intimacy. The simple acts of holding hands, kissing, or having meaningful adult conversations had become rare. We were so engrossed in our children’s needs that our connection had taken a backseat.
As a stay-at-home mother juggling chronic illness and the demands of two energetic kids, I often felt drained. The endless cycle of chores—diaper changes, laundry, grocery shopping, meal prep, and managing doctor’s appointments—left little room for personal time or romantic connection. It was no wonder I struggled to feel desire.
After reflecting on our situation, we came up with a plan: what if we designated one night a week solely for focusing on each other’s unmet needs? For my husband, that meant physical intimacy, while for me, it was about creating a space to unwind. We agreed that on this scheduled night, he would handle the kids and dinner, allowing me to relax and mentally prepare for intimacy. We selected a specific night and committed to trying it for a month.
Fast forward several months, and this approach has proven effective for us. Most weeks, my need for some downtime is all it takes for my desire to resurface. Importantly, my husband’s provision of this time isn’t transactional; he genuinely wants to support me, and in return, I strive to reserve energy for him as well.
Of course, not every week goes smoothly. Sometimes the kids are particularly rambunctious, or I might feel overwhelmed and unable to engage in intimacy. However, we both understand that the effort we put into meeting each other’s needs matters significantly. Since initiating this schedule, we’ve also found ourselves more motivated to connect on non-scheduled days.
A wise friend once told me that a family functions like a triangle with three points: the children, the couple, and the individual. It’s easy to neglect the couple’s and individual’s needs while focusing solely on the kids, leading to an unbalanced dynamic. Ultimately, ensuring that all three aspects of the triangle receive the attention they deserve benefits the entire family. Surprisingly, scheduling intimacy has allowed us to achieve that balance.
If you’re interested in exploring more about intimacy and relationships, check out this other blog post here. And for those considering at-home insemination, you can find reputable options at this link. For further information about insemination methods, this resource is excellent as well.
In summary, making time for intimacy in a busy family life doesn’t have to feel forced. Scheduling sex can reignite not just physical desire but also emotional connection, ultimately benefiting the entire family dynamic.
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