9 Thoughts I Had While Waiting for My Husband’s Vasectomy

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Last month, my husband decided to undergo a vasectomy. Yes, he’s officially on the “shooting blanks” team, and you know what? I’m totally on board with it. While I sat in the waiting room for his “procedure” (a minor outpatient thing I’d been encouraging him to schedule for ages), I experienced a whirlwind of emotions that might qualify me for a stay at a mental health facility. After all, no more tiny baby snuggles! But as a sentimental person who adores little ones, my thoughts were all over the place.

1. Finally! Seriously, how long did it take him to book this appointment? I’ve been nagging him since we welcomed our last baby last January! How many times do I have to remind him? I mean, I wasn’t keen on my prenatal visits either, but I went. And giving birth? Yeah, that wasn’t exactly a walk in the park. How hard is it to dial a number? I bet he was just worried about something going wrong. Wait, they don’t actually cut anything off, right? quickly googles vasectomy while grumbling about hospital WiFi
2. No more birth control pills! Praise be! No more nightly reminders to take that little pill. I’m convinced those hormonal contraceptives turned me into a totally different person—acne, weight gain, mood swings, you name it. Goodbye to all that! I’m tossing them out tonight.
3. Is he really going to whine about how much his ‘junk’ hurts? I’ve pushed out three babies! I’ve dealt with stitches in the same spot three times—without any meds! The first time, I needed a donut cushion to sit for two weeks. And let’s not even talk about bathroom experiences post-birth. I don’t want to hear any complaints from him. Seriously, just be grateful you can walk without discomfort!
4. No more phantom baby kicks! You know that eerie feeling when you think you feel a baby moving inside you even though you’re not pregnant anymore? I used to get paranoid, thinking I might be one of those women who unknowingly give birth in unexpected places. But those days are over.
5. But wait! What if it doesn’t work and I end up pregnant again? I can’t help but wonder about the effectiveness of a vasectomy. What’s the guarantee? I should probably ask the doctor, but would he think I’m crazy? Every friend I’ve told has a “vasectomy baby” story. I think it’s supposed to be 99.9% effective, but maybe it’s 89%? Ugh.
6. What would a fourth baby have been like? Would it be a boy or girl? What names would we choose? Naming babies is such a joy. And let’s not forget those prime parking spots at the grocery store for expecting moms! I wonder if I could sneak into the room and stop the procedure just in time. Just one more baby!
7. Oh man, do we have frozen peas and Advil? I wonder how painful this really is. Will he need a wheelchair? Can he manage the stairs? I probably should’ve done more research. I think we have some frozen peas buried in the back of the freezer, maybe behind the ice cream sandwiches. Now I’m hungry.
8. No, no, no. Our family is complete. I mean, I think so? Yes, yes, it is. He’s been in there long enough; it must be done. I feel at peace with our three beautiful children. They all sleep through the night! I can’t face those sleepless nights again. Three is definitely enough. I had to buy a minivan for crying out loud!
9. Yes, they were. Yes, they were. Yes, they were.

In conclusion, while a vasectomy might mark the end of the baby-making journey, it also brings a sense of relief and finality. As we embrace our family of five, I can’t help but reflect on the beautiful chaos that comes with raising children. If you’re navigating similar choices, consider checking out this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination. And if you’re looking for at-home insemination supplies, this retailer offers great options. For more on similar topics, take a look at our other blog post here.