As I was making my way to drop my son off at preschool recently, I found myself caught in a frustrating traffic jam. Vehicles were lined up along the main road, and police were redirecting traffic. My immediate thought was, “Great, now my son is going to be late, and I’ll be late for work.” I felt irritated.
After dropping off my son, I explained the delay to his teacher, who then informed me about a house fire down the road that had left nothing but ashes. Suddenly, my irritation faded, replaced by a heavy feeling in my stomach. My thoughts shifted from my own trivial inconveniences to the family affected by the fire. Were they safe? Did they have somewhere to go? How could I have been so self-absorbed? It dawned on me: my child is like that traffic jam.
My son has ADHD, and he experiences at least one significant meltdown daily. These outbursts can stem from a variety of triggers, whether it’s frustration with schoolwork, a mistake while playing, or simply feeling out of place in a restaurant. For a child with ADHD, even minor frustrations can lead to overwhelming emotions.
In the past, I would react out of anger during these meltdowns, often yelling, “Stop it! You’re too old for tantrums!” If we were out in public, I would feel humiliated, acutely aware of the judgmental stares from others. I’d attempt to distract him with games on my phone, which sometimes worked, but I realized I was approaching the situation all wrong.
Instead of recognizing my son’s intense feelings when he was struggling to manage them, I was merely trying to suppress them. I mean, I don’t feel happy all the time, so why would I expect my child to be? Experiencing sadness or frustration is normal. Yet, for children with ADHD, processing these emotions can be tenfold more challenging. While adults might chat with friends, exercise, or read to cope, children are still learning how to self-soothe. Many times, they aren’t even sure what emotions they’re feeling, making it all the more frustrating when we ask, “What’s wrong?”
Now, when my son has a meltdown, I focus on acknowledging his feelings. My role as a parent is to calmly discuss what he’s experiencing and help him navigate through it. By remaining composed, he’s more likely to find his own calm.
But the dynamics shift dramatically in public spaces. When bystanders witness my son’s outburst, they often react like they’re stuck in a traffic jam—impatient and irritated. Imagine a couple enjoying a quiet dinner. If my son starts to cry because he’s hungry and frustrated, they may glare at us, judging him as a “brat” and me as an ineffective parent. Just like I once failed to understand the cause of the traffic jam, they overlook what might be happening in my son’s mind.
As a parent of a special needs child, I urge everyone to refrain from hasty judgments. Please consider that special needs children are not mere annoyances; they are navigating complex emotional landscapes. If you ever find yourself in a situation like this, take a moment to think about what might have led to that “traffic jam.” Practicing empathy can make a world of difference.
If you know the parents personally and feel inclined to offer advice, think twice. Only they understand what works best for their child. That said, support is invaluable—let them know you’re there for them, but respect their boundaries.
Now that you have a glimpse into the world of special needs parenting, the next time you encounter a metaphorical traffic jam, remember to pause and reflect. Instead of expressing your frustration, cultivate compassion. You may even find a great song on the radio that makes the wait more bearable.
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In summary, treating special needs children with understanding rather than annoyance is crucial. Compassion can transform our perceptions and create a supportive environment for both the child and their family.
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