Navigating the tumultuous waters of divorce can be incredibly challenging, and the last thing your friend needs is a parade of well-meaning but misguided advice. If you find yourself in a situation where a close friend is grappling with the end of their marriage, it’s essential to know what to say (and what to avoid). Here are some helpful suggestions to keep the conversation supportive and constructive.
What Not to Say vs. What to Say
Don’t Say: “You shouldn’t dwell on him so much. It’s unhealthy!”
Do Say: “What are some of the things he did this week that really got under your skin? Seriously, he actually did that? What a jerk!”
Don’t Say: “Here’s a plant for your new place!”
Do Say: “I thought about bringing you a plant, but let’s be real; you’d probably struggle to keep it alive. So, I brought you this giant bottle of bourbon instead!”
Don’t Say: “Is now really the best time for a luxury purchase like a new mattress?”
Do Say: “How about we go shopping for some new sheets? I’ll treat you to some with 800 thread count!”
Don’t Say: “I’m jealous you get some time away from your kids.”
Do Say: “That sounds really tough. Can I get you a drink? He’s such a jerk!”
Don’t Say: “Exercise will help you feel better.”
Do Say: “You look a little too thin lately, so I baked you some cookies. Enjoy!”
Don’t Say: “Just because we hang out with him doesn’t mean we’re on his side.”
Do Say: “We’re only spending time with him to gather intel for you. We don’t actually like him—he’s way too much of a jerk!”
Don’t Say: “Why does it bother you that he already has a girlfriend?”
Do Say: “Let’s update your Tinder profile with some new pics—let’s make it ‘sexy’!”
Don’t Say: “Want to go get a mani-pedi?”
Do Say: “How about we go egg his girlfriend’s house instead?”
Don’t Say: “Maybe you should focus on your kids and take a break from dating.”
Do Say: “I was at the store and noticed condoms were on sale, so I picked you up a few boxes!”
Don’t Say: “Is now really the right time for you to explore amateur adult films?”
Okay, fair enough.
Remember, your friend in the midst of a divorce needs unwavering support, validation, and perhaps a drink or two. It’s essential to stand by them and recognize that, regardless of the situation, their ex is likely to be a jerk.
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Summary
When supporting a friend through divorce, it’s crucial to provide understanding and encouragement. Avoid dismissive comments and focus on being a sympathetic ear, while also offering practical help and a bit of humor. Your friend needs a strong support system during this challenging time.
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