This morning marked a milestone for me as I dropped my youngest off at preschool for the very first time. I watched my 3-year-old, Lucas, as he donned his little backpack, clasped his teacher’s hand, and waved goodbye. It was a heartfelt farewell that felt like it lasted an eternity. His proud smile illuminated his face as he stood there, waving with all the joy in the world.
In that moment, I broke down. Tears streamed down my face, creating a puddle on my lap. I walked into my therapy session looking like I had just emerged from a rainstorm—definitely not my finest moment.
Normally, I’m not the kind of mom who gets overly sentimental. Sure, I’m emotional, but with three boys in quick succession—my oldest, Ethan, was just two months shy of his third birthday when Lucas was born—there hasn’t been much time for nostalgia.
When Ethan learned to crawl, I was battling severe morning sickness during my second pregnancy. My relief at his newfound mobility was more about silencing his cries than anything else. When I dropped him off on his first day of preschool, I hurried home with my 6-month-old, Noah, to nurse and change him before tackling errands. Shopping for one was a breeze compared to wrangling two.
Then there’s the memory of Noah’s first steps; I was in the hospital due to pregnancy complications at the time. I missed the joy of those moments—mostly focused on keeping the peace between my boys and cleaning up messes that seemed to multiply by the minute. And when Lucas finally called out “Mama,” I felt nothing but emptiness, a side effect of postpartum depression that robbed me of the joy of motherhood.
I was caught in a whirlwind of chaos, desperately trying to stay afloat without taking the time to appreciate the fleeting moments of joy that filled my days.
However, life has started to calm down over the past year. With Lucas nearly 2½, I no longer feel submerged. Each breath I take now is a deep, refreshing one, allowing me to be present and appreciate the time I have with my boys.
For four years, I’ve dropped my kids off at preschool without shedding a tear. While they’ve had their share of emotional farewells, I’ve always been the stoic mom who rushed away, eager to tackle my to-do list. But today was different. As I reflected on my tears, it hit me—I had always been the one leaving them behind. Today, they were the ones leaving me.
This realization was liberating, allowing me to feel the profound impact my children have had on my heart. They’ve grown past the baby stage; they are learning, exploring, and testing boundaries. Each day, they wake up with excitement, eager to face the world, inviting me to share in their adventures.
I’m present now, fully engaged, learning to embrace the sentimental moments so I don’t miss out on the magic of motherhood. As I navigate this journey, I remind myself of the importance of appreciating these fleeting experiences.
For those considering their own path to motherhood, there are resources available. Websites like CDC’s Infertility Resource provide valuable insights into pregnancy and home insemination, while Make a Mom offers reputable options for at-home insemination syringe kits. And if you’re interested in more tips on motherhood, check out this blog post for further insights.
In summary, motherhood is a journey filled with ups and downs, but embracing the sentimental moments can transform your experience into something magical.
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