Parenting
I’m the Parent Who Chooses Sobriety
by Jason Thompson
Updated: Dec. 20, 2017
Originally Published: Sep. 26, 2015
I don’t drink alcohol because of my father’s struggles with it. He drank excessively, and much of my teenage years were shadowed by his battles with addiction, including time spent in jail for driving under the influence. I vividly recall him arriving at my high school graduation, visibly intoxicated and stumbling as he made his way up the auditorium steps. I even bailed him out of jail with the money I earned from my pizza delivery job. He passed away at the age of 49, a loss that still resonates with me deeply. Back then, it felt like he was ancient; now, in my 30s, I understand how young that truly is. He missed critical moments in my life—my college graduation, my wedding—and he should still be here today.
While I have indulged in alcohol in the past, I made a commitment to sobriety after getting married. When I did drink, it felt uncomfortable, like a tight suit that didn’t quite fit, with my father’s struggles lingering in my mind. Therefore, my wife and I decided early on in our parenting journey that we wouldn’t drink at all. We began practicing a faith that discourages alcohol consumption before we tied the knot, which has helped us find a community of fellow non-drinkers. However, as I navigate parenthood as a father of three and a parenting blogger, I often feel like the odd one out.
One of my colleagues enjoys his nightly “dad juice”—a glass of gin he claims helps ease the stress of bedtime routines. I can certainly see the allure; there are times I wish for a drink to manage the chaos of parenting. I see humorous memes about moms enjoying their wine, and I recall a line from Christmas Vacation where Clark mentions surviving the holidays with “a lot of help from Jack Daniels.” I occasionally find myself yearning for that kind of relief, especially during festive seasons. When I go out with other parents, I often sit at the table with my soda, the only one without a drink in hand, sporting a straight face while others unwind.
Choosing not to drink has cost me friendships. I’ve had people push drinks into my hands, convinced that a drink would make life easier or more enjoyable, as if it would bridge some gap in our conversations. To me, this pressure from others is frustrating and perplexing.
I frequently encounter questions about how I parent without alcohol, as though my sobriety is a remarkable feat. I share the story of my father, the impact of my faith, and when they ask if my choice is health-related, I reply, “No.” I emphasize that a fulfilling life can exist without alcohol. Some parents understand, but many don’t, and it seems there’s often no valid reason in their eyes for my choice. Honestly, those who think that way make me a little uneasy. I’ve even had a friend jokingly ask if I’m a monk. Others insist that my life must be dull without drinking; however, I find parenting itself to be anything but boring.
I can confidently say that I’ve fully engaged in every moment of my children’s lives. I approach each experience with a clear, sober mind, allowing me to appreciate both the joyful and challenging times. I feel every ounce of stress and love without any alteration. I don’t crave nights out filled with alcohol; instead, I save money and avoid the concerns my father faced when I was younger, like hiding liquor from my children. I don’t want alcohol to fracture my family as it did his.
In some ways, my decision not to drink is influenced by my past with my father. It might be easier to let go and indulge, but I choose not to.
The unfortunate reality is that being a sober parent can lead to feelings of isolation. Sometimes I sense that other parents view me with suspicion or think twice about inviting me over, fearing I’ll be the sober “party pooper.”
If you have a friend who doesn’t drink, remember that they’ve made a conscious decision. Respect that choice—they’re not strange or untrustworthy. They don’t need convincing to drink, nor do they think they’re superior to others who do. They simply choose not to drink, and that’s perfectly okay. So, invite them out, cherish their friendship, and avoid unnecessary comments about their sobriety. After all, they have their reasons, and those reasons are valid.
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In summary, choosing not to drink can be a personal journey shaped by past experiences. It’s essential to understand and respect those decisions, embracing friendships without judgment.
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