Dear Parents of “Typical” Kids,
I can relate to the challenges of parenting a child with special needs. My eldest son, diagnosed with autism at a young age, often required more involvement from me than other parents typically needed. When he started middle school eight years ago, I made every effort to organize rides to school with neighborhood friends. Unlike other kids, my son struggled to recognize social cues and initiate plans on his own.
“Could the boys bike to school together?” I inquired with a fellow parent.
“I’m not sure what they’ve decided,” she replied.
“How about we try it for the first few days?” I suggested.
After three attempts, it became clear that my son was left to navigate the journey alone. The other kids moved at a different pace, and the arrangement simply didn’t work for them.
Fast forward to today, my youngest son is now starting middle school, and he easily coordinates his own travel plans with friends. I no longer feel the need to analyze which of his peers might require additional support. While I don’t think the parents from eight years ago were unkind for not accommodating my son’s needs, I would have greatly appreciated their efforts to make inclusivity a priority.
Parenting a child with different needs can be isolating. I found myself more involved in social planning than other moms. I was the one asking about after-school plans weeks in advance, hosting gatherings to ensure my son had friends around, and providing fun activities to make home a welcoming space. This level of involvement might seem overwhelming to other parents who don’t share similar experiences.
Please understand that my outreach isn’t about micromanaging my child’s social life; it stems from a desire to help him learn how to connect with peers. While other kids might venture into the world with less guidance, mine needed support navigating the complex social landscape of middle school.
I realize it’s not your responsibility to look out for my child, but I hope you can empathize with a scenario where your child is the one facing social challenges. A small gesture from you or your child could make a monumental difference in fostering inclusion.
Here are some ways you can help:
- Ask what they need. When my son was invited to a birthday party at a loud venue, the hosting family reached out to understand how they could make it more comfortable for him. Their thoughtfulness made a world of difference.
- Be open to trying new things. I understand that committing to social plans can be daunting. Why not try something for just a week to see how it goes for everyone?
- Encourage kids to make choices. Let children decide how they want to build a sense of community. Building inclusivity shouldn’t be optional, but how they engage in the process can be left up to them.
- Assume good intentions. If my actions seem confusing, please know there’s often a reason behind them. Transitioning to new environments can be challenging for kids on the autism spectrum. I prepare my son with various activities to ease the transition, like visiting the school beforehand and meeting teachers. While you might see this as excessive, it helps him feel comfortable in what can be an overwhelming situation.
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In summary, fostering an inclusive community requires effort and understanding from all of us. By being proactive, compassionate, and open-minded, we can help create a nurturing environment for every child.
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