As I celebrate my 38th birthday, I find myself reflecting on what it truly means to be approaching 40. On the surface, it seems like I have everything in order: a college degree, a loving husband, and four wonderful children. I have a stable job, a cozy home, and a circle of supportive friends. Yet, despite these accomplishments, I often grapple with feelings of inadequacy.
This morning at the gym, I encountered a vibrant, youthful woman who caught my attention. During our group session, our coach prompted her to share a story about meeting a celebrity. As she recounted her experience with Ryan Reynolds, I couldn’t help but think, “What have I done with my life?”
I remember my own youthful days—20 years old, living in Los Angeles, pursuing my dreams in theater while juggling waitressing jobs and acting gigs. I even had a memorable encounter with Jim Carrey during a break at a coffee shop on the Paramount lot. It was a delightful moment, but without any tangible proof to substantiate it, it just became a nostalgic story. As I stood there, comparing myself to a stunning 20-something, I felt more like a failure than a success.
When she inevitably asked me, “Do you still act?” I delivered my rehearsed response about returning to the Midwest after meeting my husband, settling down, and having children. I explained how I took a job at a university that doesn’t utilize my theater degree, but offers tuition assistance for my kids. So, no, acting isn’t part of my life anymore, except for the occasional local commercial—though I know that hardly counts.
As she stepped away, perhaps to escape the weight of my reflections, I realized I needed to take stock of my life choices. In my younger years, I set goals for myself, and while I achieved many of them, including finding a loving partner and establishing a stable life, I have since shifted my focus entirely to my children’s aspirations. This is where I feel I’ve lost my way.
The truth is, without personal goals, I have been coasting through life on autopilot. My children are capable of pursuing their own dreams, but I must remember to nurture my own ambitions too. As I approach 40, it’s time to rekindle my goals—starting with the decision to stop comparing myself to those half my age. After all, it wouldn’t be fair to compete with someone whose journey is just beginning.
Looking back, I now see my younger self’s goals lacked the vision to foresee the vast opportunities that exist for women beyond 40. There is so much potential waiting to be tapped, and I’m starting to recognize that.
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In summary, turning 40 is not an endpoint but a new beginning. It’s a reminder to chase my personal aspirations while supporting my family’s dreams. Life’s journey continues, and I’m determined to embrace the next chapter with enthusiasm and purpose.
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