The Unfiltered Truth About the Roller Rink

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Ah, the roller rink. A place where I learned the ropes—not the shady kind, but the hustle, that groovy dance from yesteryears. For those who weren’t around back then, the Hustle was a dance trend that had us ditching our skates mid-rink to bust a move until the refs, often grumpy and annoying, kicked us off the floor. Unless, of course, you happened to catch a Gordon on duty. Those guys were always chill.

We all fancied ourselves pretty slick skaters, didn’t we? We could groove to “Jungle Boogie” or twirl around to “Wildfire.” I mean, if you’re from my generation, that is. Younger folks might have been jamming to Snoop Dogg or the Spice Girls. Ours was simply better.

But here’s the kicker: just because you had a blast in your youth doesn’t mean it’ll be a walk in the park as an adult. Take the idea of taking your tween roller skating. Sounds fun, right? You could show off your moves and finally earn that coveted “cool mom” title. But hold on—reality hits fast.

First off, those rental skates? They smell like a mix of old chips and unmentionable odors. Encasing your feet in that stench isn’t quite as bad as the terrifying prospect of actually hitting the rink. Your body starts twitching in panic, not in excitement. The skating surface is slicker than you recall, and where you once glided effortlessly, now you’re just praying not to wipe out. After one shaky lap, you’re a sweaty mess, and the elusive cool mom status is slipping away.

Instead, you find yourself camped out in an orange plastic booth, munching on stale nachos—sans jalapeños, of course. At this point, tortilla chips stuck in your shirt are the least of your concerns.

Remember the thrill of the couples skate? The lights dimmed, girls lined up, and boys skated by to choose their partners. Then, the most popular guy would reach out his hand, and for a fleeting moment, you’d feel like the queen of the rink. Fast forward to today, and you find yourself questioning why girls are waiting to be picked. Shouldn’t it be a mutual decision? You’re also wrestling with the fear of your daughter being left out, and the prospect of that rejection sends you to the concession stand for a soft pretzel and a sugary blue slushy.

As you watch your daughter skate hand in hand with some boy who doesn’t appreciate her worth, you’re caught between nostalgia and panic. You’re no longer worried about your own sweaty palms; instead, you’re scrutinizing everything from her outfit to the very act of teaching her to be independent.

Your own memories of skating until the last possible moment are replaced by a sense of urgency to escape the rink after just 90 minutes of sweat and noise. The current hits blasting through the speakers sound torturous, and all you want is to get home.

On the drive back, you listen to your daughter and her friends chatter away, oblivious to your presence, and you can’t help but feel a mix of amusement and shock at their conversations. Despite the exhaustion, you recognize the joy radiating from them. It was an experience worth having, even if you’re not eager to repeat it anytime soon.

Now, your daughter’s expressed interest in a hip hop concert. What better way to reclaim that cool mom title without the cringe of rental skates? You recall that trip to see a manufactured pop star wasn’t that bad, so how rough could a hip hop concert be?

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Summary

The experience of revisiting the roller rink as a parent can be a stark contrast to childhood memories. While it might seem like a fun outing with your tween, the reality includes dealing with smelly skates, the fear of rejection for your child, and the realization that being a cool mom isn’t as easy as it used to be. Ultimately, it’s about finding joy in the moments, even if they come with challenges.


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