I was a rebellious teen, the kind of kid that parents warned each other about. To say I was ‘wild’ was a euphemism for being an outright disrespectful brat. When you’re that age, people tend to overlook your obnoxious behavior, attributing it to the immaturity of youth. Now that I’m on the brink of forty, I can’t help but reflect on my past. I’m definitely not ready to tolerate that same level of nonsense from my own children when they hit their teenage years.
On my eighteenth birthday, my mother gifted me $80 to purchase a new pair of shoes. Naturally, I did what any defiant teenager would do: I spent $40 on some kicks and pocketed the rest for my first piercing. Yes, it was the 90s, a time when nose rings and eyebrow piercings were the norm, but I was determined to stand out. You might be guessing nipple ring, but no—think lower. Much lower.
At eighteen, I made the impulsive decision to pierce my lady bits. At that age, we rarely think about the consequences of our actions. For a decade, I sported that genital piercing, even after marrying the love of my life and embracing a more ‘adult’ lifestyle. As a responsible adult, I contemplated removing it a few times but discovered it was a horseshoe-shaped ring that required a professional piercer for removal. Not exactly something I was keen to do.
Then came pregnancy. My long-time OB-GYN, Dr. Patel, was no stranger to my piercing. “No problem,” she assured me, explaining that many women with similar piercings delivered without complications. After a smooth pregnancy, I checked into the hospital for induction, but things quickly took a turn.
After two days of labor—yes, two days!—I had only dilated three centimeters. My family visited, and while my mom nervously chatted, my dad entertained me with show tunes. Suddenly, alarms blared, and medical staff rushed in with an oxygen mask for me. I heard snippets of “baby distress” and “C-section,” and my heart raced. The nurses then turned to me, nervously mentioning my “jewelry.”
“Jewelry? She’s not wearing any jewelry,” my mother chimed in. Oh no. I had never revealed my secret to her. My husband, understanding the situation, ushered my parents out. I removed the oxygen mask, asking, “What’s the issue?” The nurse, with a steely demeanor, explained that while the piercing was manageable for natural labor, it posed a serious risk for surgery. In the event of an emergency, the jewelry could conduct electricity, leading to severe burns.
Then came the worst news: they would have to cut it off. Wait, what!? I was about to be prepped for a C-section when three nurses entered my room wielding a massive bolt cutter. I clenched my eyes shut, cursing my teenage self for this reckless decision. Luckily, after several failed attempts to cut through surgical-grade steel, they decided to cover it up with tape instead.
The C-section went smoothly, and my baby came out healthy, making all those terrifying moments fade into the background. Fast forward to my next pregnancy, and my new OB-GYN, Dr. Lawson, was less forgiving. “You still haven’t had that piercing removed?” he exclaimed. I dreaded the thought of going to a piercing shop while heavily pregnant, but I had no choice. “Just tape it again,” I suggested, but Dr. Lawson insisted that was unacceptable.
I waddled into a local piercing shop, which had a sign advising against entry for anyone who was pregnant, drunk, or rude. As I nervously explained my predicament, the tattooed piercer chuckled about the bolt cutter incident while removing the piercing. She cleaned it and handed it back, now marked by the battle it had survived.
Now, I’ve had three successful C-sections, each resulting in three wonderful sons. I keep the piercing in my wallet as a reminder of my journey from a reckless youth to a responsible adult. Some chapters of our lives are best left unmentioned; for instance, my mom still doesn’t know about my “jewelry,” and I see no reason to enlighten her now that I’m a mom myself.
For more engaging stories and insights, check out this blog post. And if you’re considering at-home insemination, you can find reputable kits from Cryobaby. For further information on pregnancy and insemination, visit WebMD.
Summary
This humorous yet insightful account chronicles the author’s youthful rebellion, leading to an unexpected challenge during pregnancy. The story highlights how past decisions can have lasting effects and serves as a reminder of the importance of taking responsibility for one’s actions.
Leave a Reply