I find myself in the position of being quite the structured parent, and honestly, it took me by surprise. Before having children, I was known for my laid-back attitude and my ability to go with the flow. Traveling was a breeze for me; I thrived on spontaneity and rarely stressed over the little things. However, since becoming a mom, I’ve transformed into someone who values routine above all else.
When my first child was just two weeks old, we were introduced to a book that suggested establishing a schedule. In those early, bleary-eyed days of parenting, I was willing to try anything that promised a bit of relief. If someone had suggested I chart the stars to ensure a good night’s sleep, I might have considered it.
Truth be told, we never strictly adhered to the schedule; it was more of a guideline that we often strayed from. My son would wake up at 6:15 a.m. instead of the planned 7 a.m., which meant adjusting the entire day’s routine. Morning naps shifted from 9 a.m. to 8:15 a.m., and I would strategize how to reclaim those lost minutes throughout the day to still hit that coveted 7 p.m. bedtime. Looking back, it was both amusing and maddening—trying to keep him awake when he needed a nap and coaxing him to sleep when he wasn’t tired. Yet, we persevered, and “the schedule” became a cornerstone of our daily life. As my brother-in-law, a pediatrician, aptly put it, “These plans essentially give parents something to do while their child develops into a typical sleeper.”
Our son became an excellent sleeper, and while we credited our success to the schedule, I now understand it was likely due to his naturally calm disposition. I became increasingly committed to ensuring both my sons adhered to a consistent nap and bedtime routine. I avoided scheduling any activities during the day that could interfere with their naps, and any unavoidable events required a babysitter to maintain our structure. Bedtime was sacrosanct: 7 p.m. sharp, with minimal wiggle room.
Traveling with kids also posed its challenges. Our two children have a knack for getting car sick, which means we have to carefully consider whether the potential enjoyment of a trip outweighs the likelihood of dealing with post-vomit cleanups. Hotel stays are often restless for us; our youngest has a habit of waking up in the night and letting out a piercing scream, leaving us all on edge for the rest of the night. More often than not, we decide against trips.
This rigid approach to parenting has drawn criticism from family and friends. We often decline invitations to events that start at 6 p.m.—that’s prime dinner and bedtime territory for us. We plan our travel meticulously around sleep schedules, which sometimes results in us missing out on gatherings or arriving late. Despite having family eager to see us, we take few trips. When we do venture out, we tend to stay in one location for an extended period to replicate our home routine as much as possible.
I’ve come to realize that traveling to a place like Paris just isn’t worth the hassle of cleaning up vomit in a taxi and managing a jet-lagged 5-year-old and 2-year-old. The thought of mediating a dispute over a paper clip in front of the Eiffel Tower is less than appealing.
It’s a bit disheartening to reflect on this rigid existence. I used to revel in travel, jumping at last-minute deals to Europe or embarking on spontaneous road trips. But life is all about choices, and right now, I’m prioritizing well-rested children and a predictable daily routine. My close friend, who has older kids, reassures me that the days of freedom and flexibility will return. “You’ll be able to travel again once they outgrow the nap-stroller-diaper stage,” she says. “Then, you can make last-minute plans without feeling like you’re maneuvering a massive truck through tight spaces.”
So, I’m holding onto that hope for the future, when I can embrace spontaneity once more. A last-minute trip to Paris with my 5-year-old and 8-year-old? Absolutely—if the price is right.
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Summary:
In this article, I explore my unexpected transition into being a structured parent after the birth of my children. While I once thrived on spontaneity, I now prioritize routines that ensure my kids are well-rested, even if it means turning down social invitations and minimizing travel. The hope for a more flexible future keeps me motivated.
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