“Smart cookies, kid.” I often find myself saying this to my children when we share similar thoughts. Alternatively, I might mutter, “If I had a dollar…” and leave it hanging there. On days when I feel particularly nostalgic, I might say, “If I had a nickel…” but honestly, my kids have no clue what coins are; they’re far more interested in the paper bills they can actually spend. So, I skip the coin references, well aware that they’re already savvy enough to know which currency holds value.
I rarely finish these phrases because, frankly, I know what I mean. But do my kids understand? Not likely. Are they going to ponder these half-uttered thoughts in their college seminars, contemplating their deeper meanings? “Smart cookies…are better than good cookies? Smart cookies…come from smart bakers? WHAT COULD POSSIBLY COMPLETE THAT WISE SAYING!?” Thankfully, they have Google for instant answers. So, what I’m really imparting is that their mom is a walking riddle, easily bypassed in favor of the all-knowing Internet.
These expressions aren’t meant for them, anyway. They’re for me. Like many adults, I have my own verbal quirks that replace thoughtful replies. When I want to express agreement, I say, “Kool and the Gang.” When I need to grab their attention, it’s “Ground Control to Major Tom.” And when I feel the need to calm them down, I might say, “Chill, biscuit.” I might as well be speaking a different language. Kool and the Gang? They’ll only ever hear that at weddings, which is probably why it confuses them.
Another favorite of mine is “It’s your funeral.” I like to use vivid imagery when critiquing their choices. It’s crucial they understand that not wearing a jacket is a life-or-death situation in my eyes. “You don’t have to wear a coat to the bus stop, kid. Hey, it’s your funeral.”
If kids drop slang to connect with their peers while keeping their parents guessing, it’s no shock that parents do the same with expressions that bewilder their children. I still grapple with the meaning of “gotta see a man about a horse,” a phrase my father tossed my way back in the early ’80s. Maybe he just wanted a quirky way to say he needed to use the restroom.
I find a certain enjoyment in keeping my children in the dark when I speak. It’s one of the few perks of parenthood. It’s that same impulse that drives us to say “maybe” and “we’ll see.” Or perhaps we say these things to project an air of wisdom about life. Children expect us to have all the answers, the wisdom, and the ability to tackle tough tasks like opening stubborn food packaging. They don’t realize that sometimes, we struggle with simple things too! But tossing out phrases like, “this jar is tighter than a duck’s backside, and that’s waterproof!” surely makes us seem knowledgeable about duck anatomy.
When I consider the immense pressure of adulthood and parenthood—like remembering to register the kids for peewee soccer or dealing with taxes—it’s overwhelming. Just the other day, we ate half a ham sandwich before noticing the bread was moldy. If we can’t manage white bread, how on earth are we supposed to raise children? Perhaps being cryptic is our way of maintaining a facade of competence, giving our kids the impression that we truly have everything figured out. Someday, they will grow up and realize we were just winging it, too.
For further reading, check out this insightful post on navigating the complexities of parenthood at this link. And if you’re considering at-home insemination, you can find reputable kits at Make A Mom. For more information on pregnancy and home insemination, visit this excellent resource from Hopkins Medicine.
In summary, the cryptic language of parenting serves as both a means of self-expression and a way to maintain an air of mystery around our wisdom. As our children grow, they may unravel our quirky phrases, but for now, we relish the charm of keeping them guessing.
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