I can’t pinpoint the exact age when I first felt the weight of not fitting in with my peers. The memories of being self-conscious about my freckles and the teasing about my ears have lingered with me. Comments like, “You look like Dumbo!” or “Freckled monkey!” from classmates were painful reminders of my awkwardness. It seems that most parents can relate to these experiences, unless, of course, you were part of the “cool crowd” that no one dared to mess with.
I certainly wasn’t one of those cool kids. Instead, I was the girl who endured teasing in elementary school and spent countless recesses helping friends search for lost retainers in the sand. As I grew up, I eventually found a circle of friends who embraced me for who I was, allowing me to shed the insecurities of my childhood and blossom into a confident individual.
However, I hadn’t anticipated that I would face similar challenges as a parent. When I became pregnant, I didn’t think about the potential for my child to experience the same ridicule I did. Fast-forward to when my daughter, Lily, was four years old and sat at her first school lunch table with a class of about seven kids—three of whom were girls. This inevitably led to the dreaded “girl triangle” that we all know too well.
As the year progressed, Lily faced a barrage of hurtful comments. “Sara and Emily said my drawing was ugly!” or “Emily said my shoes aren’t as sparkly as hers!” As any concerned parent would, I tried to diffuse the situation. I reminded her that everyone has their own unique talents and perspectives, and that perhaps Emily needed to get her eyes checked. Okay, maybe I left out the last bit.
But as the days wore on, the negativity became exhausting. Each pick-up was another saga of hurt feelings and harsh words. I noticed Lily began to imitate her friends, adopting their favorite colors and styles, leading her to lose a bit of her own identity. I knew I had to intervene.
One day, I asked her what could help her feel more like herself. “No, I want to dye my hair,” she stated boldly. Honestly, I hadn’t expected this direction in our conversation, but I was too worn out to argue. I asked her if this was genuinely what she wanted, and she insisted that incorporating her favorite colors into her hair would make her feel more like herself.
After consulting with my husband, we decided to go for it. We grabbed some hair bleach and two vibrant shades of Manic Panic: fluorescent teal and pink. I reminded her that this would be a permanent change, at least for a while, as the blonde streak would be hard to remove unless she opted for a drastic haircut. But she was resolute, and we proceeded with the transformation.
As we applied the dye, I could see her excitement growing. When it was done, she had a bold, sassy hairstyle that she absolutely adored. Yes, it was a significant change, but I saw a noticeable shift in her confidence. Her peers took notice, and even some staff members at her school seemed intrigued.
But you know what? I didn’t care. It’s just hair. Life is too short to sweat the small stuff, and I knew that this decision had genuinely boosted her self-esteem. Looking back three years later, Lily is now seven and has continued to embrace her unique style. Initially, my mother was not thrilled with our decision, but she quickly came around when she saw the joy it brought to her granddaughter.
In a world where fitting in can feel paramount, this experience allowed Lily to discover her individuality. It was a pivotal moment that encouraged her to express herself in other ways. Sure, we could have read her a book about self-worth, but we chose to dye her hair instead.
Since then, we’ve re-bleached her hair and experimented with various colors, and sometimes she just rocks the blonde streak. It has become a part of her identity. As parents, we strive to make choices that we feel are best for our children. While I may not be ready to take her for a tattoo, a bit of hair dye felt like a harmless way to let her express herself.
In the grand scheme of parenting, it’s just as challenging as childhood itself. We do our best to remind our children of their worth and individuality. Some days are better than others, but even if it’s just with a bottle of hair dye, we celebrate the little victories. For more insights on parenting and self-expression, check out this blog post here.
Summary:
In this reflective piece, Jenna Thompson shares her experience of dyeing her daughter Lily’s hair at the age of four as a means of self-expression and confidence-building. Through the challenges of childhood teasing and the journey to self-acceptance, the story highlights the importance of individuality and the choices parents make to support their children’s growth.
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