As nontraditional students in our 30s, my friend Jacob and I found ourselves at a crossroads, ready to complete our degrees after years of living life to the fullest. I was in my last year of college when our paths crossed in class.
Jacob and I quickly hit it off—sharing casual conversations before class and enjoying a smoke after. I opened up about my life as a single mom and the decisions I made, while he shared tales about his travels and career. Over time, we started grabbing drinks between classes. Looking back, I can hardly believe it took me two months to realize Jacob was gay. I felt like I had stepped right into an ironic song about unrequited love.
I graduated a semester before Jacob, but we made it a point to stay connected. Before long, we were practically inseparable. He became my go-to plus-one for weddings, my dinner companion, and a crucial part of my support system. We even studied together for the LSAT and GRE. My family, including my daughter, embraced him with open arms. One day, someone jokingly asked, “Where’s your gay husband?” From that moment on, we affectionately referred to each other as “gay husband” and “straight wife.”
After a year, I moved 1,500 miles away to pursue a master’s program, but our bond remained strong. We kept in touch regularly and made the most of our time together when I visited. After my master’s, I returned to the Midwest for a Ph.D. program about eight hours from home. Our friendship endured; he stayed at my house, and I stayed at his. In our hangouts, I could ask him, “Does this make me look fat?” and I knew to expect the reassuring answer of “No.” I would tease him about being late for dinner, and we would work side by side on our laptops while watching TV like an old married couple.
Over the years, Jacob has been my rock during tough times, offering comfort over failed relationships and sharing laughs about terrible dates. He has been a positive male influence for my daughter and has become a friend to my parents as well. Generous with both his time and resources, he even loaned me money for a used bedroom set for my daughter when her father wouldn’t help. A month later, he forgave the debt as a birthday gift to me. He treats me to dinners, drinks, thoughtful gifts, and helps me navigate major life decisions. He’s not just a friend; he’s everything I could wish for in a partner—minus the romantic aspect.
I once held the stereotype that every woman has a gay best friend who serves as another girlfriend, offering fashion advice and hairstyling tips. While I’ve had those types of friendships in the past, I’ve come to understand that men and women each play unique roles in my life, especially as I’ve matured. I can discuss parenting with both genders, but I save the more personal topics for my girlfriends.
Through my relationship with Jacob, I’ve discovered that a gay best friend occupies a special place in my heart that’s distinct from that of a girlfriend. The absence of romantic chemistry allows me to accept his emotional and financial support without any pressure. Jacob’s intelligence, humor, compassion, and generosity are qualities I seek in a partner, but having an exceptional gay best friend along with some personal devices can provide a fulfilling substitute.
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In summary, every woman can benefit from having a gay best friend. This unique friendship offers emotional support, companionship, and a bond free from romantic complications, allowing both friends to thrive in their respective lives.
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