With the recent buzz around in vitro fertilization (IVF), particularly highlighted by celebrity stories, I often find myself bombarded with the question, “Why worry about fertility treatments? Why not just adopt?” Those of us who grapple with infertility know all too well the unsolicited opinions that come from well-meaning but misinformed friends and family. Trust me, during my own journey, I lost track of how many times this loaded question was thrown my way as if it were a one-size-fits-all solution to our complex struggles.
Let’s be clear: adoption is a beautiful and fulfilling way to build a family, but please, stop suggesting it to couples who are trying to conceive! Here’s why:
- Personal Choices Are Personal: Unless you’re financing the process, undergoing the journey, or raising the child, your opinions about someone else’s path to parenthood are completely irrelevant. It’s simply none of your business!
- Multiple Routes to Parenthood Exist: There’s more than one way to become a parent aside from traditional conception and adoption. Treatments such as intrauterine insemination (IUI), IVF, and even surrogacy offer various avenues to parenthood. Infertility doesn’t equate to a dead-end; it opens up other possibilities.
- Adoption is Not Always a Walk in the Park: Contrary to popular belief, adoption is a challenging journey, often filled with its own set of hurdles. The average domestic adoption can range from $20,000 to $40,000, and the wait time for placement can stretch over 14 months. It’s not as straightforward or inexpensive as some might think.
- There’s No Harm in Trying: Why not explore IUI or IVF first? There’s no rule that says you can’t pursue other options later. Trying fertility treatments doesn’t negate the possibility of adoption down the line.
- Adoption Won’t Erase Grief: While you may love an adopted child just as much as a biological one, the emotional scars from infertility don’t just disappear. The memories and feelings associated with infertility can linger long after the decision has been made.
- Adoption Isn’t Just for Infertile Couples: It’s interesting how no one suggests adoption to fertile couples. Wanting to experience pregnancy and childbirth is not selfish. It’s a natural desire, and pursuing fertility treatments is merely a personal choice.
- Not Everyone Wants to Adopt: While adoption is a wonderful option for many, it’s not for everyone. Respect others’ choices regarding how they want to build their families.
- Stop the Misguided Statements: Remarks like “Maybe you’re not meant to have children” or “This is God’s way of saying you should just adopt” are not helpful. Those facing infertility need compassion, not judgment.
- Empathy is Key: Until you’ve walked in someone else’s shoes, it’s easy to make assumptions. Every situation is unique, and it’s wiser to reserve judgment until you truly understand.
- Every Decision is Personal: Trust that individuals facing infertility are making informed choices based on their circumstances. They are working with professionals who understand their needs. After much thought and discussion, my partner and I opted for treatments first, leading to the birth of our daughter in 2011.
In conclusion, navigating the path to parenthood is deeply personal and often fraught with challenges. Each couple must follow their heart, and if you’re not experiencing these struggles, a little kindness goes a long way. Every family is created through love, whether by birth or adoption, and each journey is valid.
For more information on the journey through infertility and the various options available, check out this insightful piece on the IVF process. And if you’re considering at-home insemination, this fertility booster for men is a reputable option to explore. For a deeper dive into the intricacies of fertility, you can read more on our blog here.
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