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“Let’s move.” Just two simple words that, for a young couple without children, evoke a sense of excitement and adventure. But when I shared this thought with my partner, he scanned our quaint farmhouse and sighed. With a toddler on the loose and space running thin, he reluctantly said, “I suppose we have to.”
To get our home “buyer ready,” I learned from countless online sources that we needed to create an illusion: a place that appeared lived-in yet untouched by actual life. In my mind, our home should exude a scent that was whimsical and inviting—something like “Norwegian children enjoying chocolate oranges by a campfire.” Unfortunately, my husband experienced an unfortunate muffin incident one morning, with crumbs flying as I panicked about maintaining the illusion of cleanliness.
Generally, we wouldn’t mind the occasional spaghetti splatter on the ceiling fan. However, we knew that no potential buyer would have “spaghetti fan” on their wish list. So, we found ourselves in a never-ending cycle of tidying up, hoping a passerby might be tempted to check out our little paradise. Eventually, we surrendered to reality and embraced the creative chaos our toddler brought. We proudly showcased features that were truly one-of-a-kind, including:
- A Spider-Man figurine residing in the toilet!
- A collection of 13 dead leaves displayed on the dining room window sills!
- A crayon mural on the wall titled “Poop Weiner Hamburgers” created by our little artist!
For showings, I was advised to dress nicely yet remain approachable. I stuck to my maroon turtleneck dress layered with a hunter green camisole, but my husband joked about my appearance, making me question if I looked more “farmhouse chic” or “post-apocalyptic sister-wife.” Having worked from home for so long, my fashion sense had taken a backseat, with my daily outfit often resembling a battle between mac-and-cheese-stained sweatpants and a hoodie that looked like it had survived a bear attack. On good days, I’d even find a rogue Cheez-It hidden in the fabric.
Every day, I dreaded the thought of our home being featured on one of those Zillow parody accounts that highlight absurd listings. I could only imagine a virtual tour showcasing my son attempting to dress our cat in a Batman costume or my husband scavenging for half-eaten chicken nuggets off the floor.
Feeling utterly drained, I believed I was the only one in this struggle until I vented on social media. I quickly discovered other parents who had hidden toy disasters in the dishwasher or bribed neighborhood kids to take their own children away for a few hours. We all shared the same fear of being exposed for what we truly were—ordinary families.
So, to all prospective homebuyers, I have a simple request: Look beyond the crayon-stained floors, navigate around the baby gates, and overlook the towering laundry piles. I assure you, if these homes can endure the chaos of toddlers, they’re equipped to handle any plans you have for them.
For more insights on the journey of home and family, check out our blog post on home insemination journeys. And if you’re seeking expert advice on home insemination, Cryobaby’s at-home insemination kit is a fantastic resource. Additionally, the CDC provides excellent information on reproductive health that you might find helpful.