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“Mom, can we go to the water park for my birthday now that Covid is getting better?”
I’ve been hearing that question for over a year, but what astonished me was how fast my mind started calculating how much weight I could shed by that time.
Over the last year, I thought I had come to terms with my body. But the moment I realized I might need to squeeze into a swimsuit from before the pandemic, I was hit with a wave of anxiety. The summer of 2020 felt like a blur. My daughters and I spent time outdoors, hiking and gardening, and I blissfully avoided wearing a bathing suit. The comfort of full-coverage attire was a relief.
During the past year, my focus shifted to merely surviving day-to-day life. For once in many years, I lacked the energy to criticize myself for enjoying a cupcake or having cereal for dinner. Jogging before work was the least of my worries. We had more than a year to build our “summer bodies”—whatever that means—and yet I hadn’t done a single thing to prepare.
Instead, my priority was clear: keep my little ones happy and healthy while managing my workdays without losing my sanity. That was my main concern.
As I rummaged through my summer wardrobe for swimsuits that had been tucked away, I confronted another reality. I’m the type of person who clings to clothes that are a size too small, convinced I’ll fit into them again one day. Yes, that includes the red string bikini from Victoria’s Secret I bought in 2008 but have never actually worn.
In addition to that, I unearthed another bikini, two plunging one-pieces, and a tankini with a skirted bottom. Anxiety, embarrassment, and shame washed over me. This wasn’t how I was supposed to feel.
These swimsuits were meant to motivate me, yet they only brought tears. They reminded me of a time when I was smaller, a time when I mistreated my body and didn’t care for it properly. I briefly questioned whether my past struggles were as significant as I believed. After all, beauty often comes with pain, right? Wrong. Just because we’ve been led to believe that doesn’t make it a truth.
After wallowing for a few moments, I decided not to further punish myself by trying on those suits, knowing they wouldn’t fit. Sure, I could have squeezed into them, but what would that achieve? Prioritizing my mental health and being kind to my body still feels foreign at times. Making these conscious decisions is a critical part of my journey toward body acceptance.
After tossing those swimsuits into a donation bag, I hopped onto Target’s website to look for replacements. This time, my focus was on selecting a suit that fit my current body, not one that I hoped to fit into.
How would I feel wearing it? Would it allow me to enjoy all the activities I wanted? Would I be fixated on covering up the parts of me that have changed over the past year? Or could I finally be present and focus on creating beautiful memories with my daughters?
Answering those questions shifted my perspective away from worrying about others’ opinions, guiding my choices. I realized I had made more progress in body acceptance than my initial reaction suggested.
So, why am I sharing this? Summer is here, and for the first time since 2019, we can enjoy it—especially as life returns to a sense of normalcy. Here’s the important takeaway: just because things are moving back to normal doesn’t mean we should carry forward anxiety, embarrassment, and shame.
This past year has instilled in us the lesson that life is fleeting and shouldn’t be taken for granted. Don’t postpone spending time with your loved ones until you’ve shed those last few pounds. Focus less on how you appear in your swimsuit and more on how you feel. Will I lose weight before my daughter’s 9th birthday? Maybe, maybe not.
But what I do know is that I’m going for that strapless top and high-waisted bottoms because I want a fabulous tan. I will choose the suit I love for its colors, not to shame myself into fitting into it.
I might not be as prepared as I’d hoped for this post-pandemic swimwear season, but I’m ready to enjoy my summer, and I want you to feel the same.
For more insights on body positivity and self-care, check out this related blog post on home insemination. If you’re interested in boosting your fertility, you might find these fertility supplements helpful. Also, for an excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination, visit MedlinePlus.
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Summary:
As summer approaches, many of us face anxiety about swimwear after the pandemic. Despite having a year to prepare, prioritizing mental health and body acceptance is crucial. It’s important to focus on how we feel rather than how we look. Embrace the summer and create memories with loved ones, regardless of our current bodies.