Don’t Become a Shell of Your Former Self — Show Compassion for Others During Their COVID Grief

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While my friend Sarah and I make sure our kids wear masks, we’ve both been fully vaccinated and prefer to meet outdoors, following CDC guidelines. We haven’t explicitly discussed it, but I can sense she feels more at ease when I keep my mask on. So, despite the heat, I comply. It’s a minor inconvenience compared to the comfort and security it brings her. We both aren’t ready for the “normal” that involves kids running around without masks, especially when it goes against CDC recommendations.

There’s no right or wrong here (except for those who blatantly disregard CDC guidelines). What’s truly wrong is shaming others for not being ready to embrace someone else’s idea of normal.

We’ve just endured a year marked by social isolation, a staggering death toll, uncertainty about the long-term effects of COVID-19, and personal losses. This past year has been a profound tragedy. I recall sitting in my hammock, overwhelmed by grief as I absorbed countless COVID-related statistics. Recently, I was heartbroken to learn that India lacked enough crematoriums for its COVID-19 victims. Just this morning, I felt rage and sorrow when my governor signed a law allowing students to opt out of masking at school—my husband is a teacher, after all.

Let me reiterate: I’m not prepared for your version of normal. I’m still in mourning.

The Loss We Experienced: Grief for Family and Friends

Many of us have lost loved ones to COVID-19, and the grief went unacknowledged due to restrictions on gatherings. Each death from the virus left behind a grieving community. It’s unfair to suggest that those who are mourning should simply adjust to someone else’s idea of normal—whether that means removing masks or dining indoors. They need time to heal.

My husband and I lost our last living grandparents during the pandemic, not to COVID-19, but we still faced restrictions at their funerals. While he was able to attend a small, masked gathering, I chose to skip my grandfather’s funeral due to safety concerns. We were fortunate in that our grandfathers had funerals, but many people have not had that closure.

We also experienced estrangement from family during this time. Some relatives chose to ignore safety protocols, forcing others to sever ties for their safety. This has been a painful realization for many of us, as we learned that some people prioritized their comfort over the safety of others. You cannot expect those who have been hurt to return to a sense of normalcy.

The Impact of Isolation: Social Skills Gone Awry

Isolation affected everyone differently. For some, it was a struggle—parents faced the daunting task of entertaining bored children during virtual schooling. While my kids managed okay, they still feel the effects of isolation. Many of us spent weeks confined to our homes, living in fear of even the delivery person. This experience has altered our social dynamics, and we can’t simply revert to how things were before.

I recently met up with friends for brunch for the first time since the pandemic began. We all joked about our lost social skills, and I felt a wave of anxiety. I’ve even become awkward in emails! I kindly ask you to not expect me to be “normal” again just yet.

A Call for Understanding and Patience

If you feel comfortable sending your kids to school without masks, that’s your choice. But when my children join your kids for brunch, they’ll remain masked. It’s vital to remember that, despite the low risks for children, COVID-19 can still have serious consequences. I won’t risk my children’s health when it comes to something so unpredictable.

We owe each other the space to grieve. If you encounter someone who is still cautious, consider wearing a mask when talking to them. It’s a small gesture that can mean a lot. If we choose to meet outdoors in a quiet place and I still wear my mask, please don’t judge. That mask might just be a comfort for me.

It’s not about you; it’s about the complicated layers of fear, grief, and mistrust we’ve all experienced. When people ask how I’m coping now that restrictions have eased, I think of a David Bowie lyric: “I’ve got scars that can’t be seen.” I don’t resent your desire to move on—I understand it completely. But please recognize that I’m not there yet.

If you’re interested in more insights, check out this other blog post on home insemination. For those looking to improve their fertility, Make a Mom offers great resources. Additionally, for reliable information on pregnancy, visit the World Health Organization.

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Summary

In a world still grappling with the aftermath of COVID-19, it’s essential to be patient and compassionate towards those still processing their grief. The pandemic has altered our social dynamics and expectations of normalcy. As we navigate this new landscape, we must respect each other’s boundaries and acknowledge the emotional scars that linger.

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