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As I sat in a lively courtyard filled with food trucks near the ruin bars of Budapest, I overheard a guy named Jake make a disparaging remark about a woman he’d encountered. “I heard she was fisted while leaning over a kitchen counter,” he said. “And she seems to have been with almost every guy at the hostel. It’s disgusting.”
At that moment, I was in the midst of a year-long solo journey across the globe. Jake, a fellow traveler from Australia, was also exploring Europe for a few months. As I listened to him speak, I couldn’t help but reflect on all the people I’d shared intimate moments with during my trip—seven in total, including him.
In Malta, there was a charming Argentinian I met in the hostel showers. In Pisa, I shared a romantic evening with an Italian construction worker who loved opera. Then, in San Sebastian, I connected with a fit German guy on the beach, where words weren’t needed; our bodies spoke for us. In Barcelona, I had a passionate encounter with an older Belgian man at a castle rave. I also reunited with a longtime friend from Switzerland in Berlin, and just before meeting Jake, I spent a night with a suave Portuguese business student in his hostel bed while his friend slept above us.
Yet, I kept all of this to myself, opting instead to nibble on my veggie burger. That girl in the hostel could have easily been me. I reassured myself that I wouldn’t engage in the same antics as that woman, especially not in a kitchen. But looking back, I realize that distancing myself from her was arbitrary; she could have been just as much a part of my story.
I should have stood up for her. We were all engaging in the same behaviors at that hostel—Jake, myself, and everyone else indulging in the moment. When young, attractive travelers gather in dorms and share drinks, things tend to get steamy. So who was Jake to judge?
Many of us, especially those from the millennial generation or older, have been raised with contradictory views on sex. On one hand, we embrace our sexuality and the thrill of casual encounters. On the other hand, we often stigmatize those who engage in such behaviors, particularly women, who face harsh scrutiny for being either too frigid or too promiscuous.
A decade ago, my friends and I worried about our “number,” fearing that with each new partner, we diminished our worth as individuals. The 2011 film What’s Your Number perpetuated this notion by suggesting that a woman who had been with more than 20 men would struggle to find a husband. This is fundamentally flawed for countless reasons.
Sex can, at times, be messy, regrettable, or thoughtless. It carries risks such as STIs and can stem from a need for validation or control. It can also be forced upon individuals. However, at its core, when consensual and safe, sex is a healthy and beautiful experience. We often forget to share this narrative.
So here I am, sharing my story: I had sex with 16 men during my year abroad, and it was an incredible experience. Even though these encounters were brief, they were intense and authentic. We were free to explore each other physically and emotionally, unburdened by future expectations.
How dare anyone judge me for that? How dare anyone judge that woman in the hostel? Sex is a gift, a way to escape, a form of meditation—a way to connect on deeper levels. As Osho states, everything beautiful in the world ties back to sex—whether it’s a bird singing, a flower blooming, or a ripe fruit.
So why do we often view human sexuality as something shameful? The truth is, society isn’t ashamed of sex because it’s dirty; it’s dirty because we feel ashamed of it. Let’s put an end to this shame. Let’s stop fretting over our numbers and celebrate sex for what it truly is. I had sex with 16 men in a year of travel, and it was beautiful. So, what’s your number?
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Summary:
In this candid reflection, the author shares her experiences of having sexual encounters with 16 individuals during a year of solo travel, challenging societal judgments about sexual behavior. The narrative explores the conflicting messages about sex that many individuals face and emphasizes the beauty and empowerment found within consensual relationships. The piece advocates for a shift away from shame and judgment toward a celebration of sexual experiences as vital and enriching parts of life.