For as long as I can recall, my dream of becoming a mother was so vivid that I took my brown-haired Cabbage Patch doll everywhere, complete with her adoption card. Before I had children, I envisioned countless scenarios of motherhood: my kids calling me mommy, me attending every school event, joining the PTA, and baking cookies for after-school snacks.
For years, I mourned the absence of my own mother and struggled to find a maternal figure in others. I imagined I could become the mother I missed out on, believing I could do it all by myself. However, I learned that motherhood is not a solo journey; it thrives in the support of a community. This Mother’s Day, I want to express my gratitude for the incredible women surrounding me. As I grow older, I appreciate my role as a mother more deeply. While I may not have the influence of my biological mother, the women in my current life form a vital support system, and I rely on them immensely.
According to a 2013 report by the Pew Research Center, around 7 million children in the U.S. were living with a grandparent. I was one of those kids, raised by my maternal grandparents who provided me with love and guidance. My grandmother taught me the importance of creating a welcoming home and instilled in me the value of love and kindness—lessons that I hold dear today, especially during tough times.
Oprah Winfrey once said, “Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more.” My grandmother could never replace my mother, but she stepped into the role of a nurturing figure when I needed it most, continuing to inspire me with her resilience.
While many couples may have complicated relationships with their in-laws, my wife and I are fortunate to have a wonderful rapport with ours. I cherish the time spent with my mother-in-law, who has imparted invaluable lessons about balancing work and motherhood. She checks in on me, reminds me to take care of myself, and is even helping me cultivate a flourishing garden.
As women, we have the freedom to define our paths. As author Jill Churchill wisely stated, “There is no way to a perfect mother-in-law but millions of ways to be a good one.” My mother-in-law lovingly nudges me in the ways I hope to do with my own children someday. Building this relationship took effort on both sides, but it has been worth it for the sake of our family.
Motherhood is far richer than I ever imagined—full of challenges, rewards, and growth. In fact, I’m even writing a book about my journey. This Mother’s Day, I’m choosing to recognize and appreciate the amazing women in my life. The bonds we create with these women are essential for both our wellbeing and that of our children. Learning from and valuing our female community, regardless of our own mothers, helps us bring our best selves to motherhood.
If you’re looking for more insights on family and community, check out some of our other blog posts here. Additionally, for expert advice on insemination, visit Make a Mom or explore excellent resources from the ASRM.
Summary:
This Mother’s Day, the author reflects on the importance of female support in her life. Instead of focusing on the absence of her biological mother, she celebrates the strong women around her, including her grandmother and mother-in-law, who have shaped her experience of motherhood. Recognizing that motherhood is a communal journey, she emphasizes the significance of building relationships with the women in her life.