I once had a decent circle of mom friends. While we weren’t super close, we all got along well, and our kids enjoyed each other’s company. However, when the pandemic struck and everyone retreated into their homes, my mom friends seemed to ignore the reality of the situation. They invited me to river tubing and pool parties, but when I finally expressed my concerns in a group chat about the importance of wearing masks and following CDC guidelines, they abruptly stopped communicating with me.
I’ve always recognized that I live in a conservative area. I knew that many of the moms I socialized with had a tendency to support Trump and frequently attended megachurches. I was even taken aback by a sticker on my son’s best friend’s mom’s car that said “Starbucks and Guns.” There was an awkward moment when we had to cut off a conversation about the NRA while his friend was over, leaving my husband and me exchanging concerned glances. Many homeschooling options around here are aligned with religious beliefs.
Despite avoiding overly religious co-ops and ensuring our kids got along well without discussing politics, I was naive to think everything was fine. The pandemic, however, revealed a different side of my community.
People Showed Their True Colors by Refusing to Mask
As the pandemic unfolded, our homeschooling community morphed into a strange mix of independence, religious beliefs, and political conservatism that staunchly opposed wearing masks. Posts started appearing, inquiring about which municipalities had mask mandates to avoid meeting in those areas.
Those who refused to wear masks seemed anti-science, blindly following the GOP narrative without considering the well-being of others. Many were quick to believe misinformation online about the dangers of masks rather than accepting established scientific guidelines.
During a discussion about an upcoming homeschool convention, someone asked if masks were required for entry. The response was a gleeful “No! Only about one in twenty people are wearing masks!” This convention was taking place in the most COVID-19 impacted area of our state and expected to draw hundreds of attendees.
I Tried to Seek Out Friends
Given that my former mom group was hosting events without masks or social distancing, I turned to local homeschooling groups, inquiring if anyone would be interested in an outdoor playdate with masks once my husband and I received our vaccinations. I made it clear that we were immune.
The response was overwhelming and negative. In a thread that ballooned to over 40 comments (and was later deleted for abusive remarks), I was criticized for suggesting that others wear a mask. Detractors claimed that children needed fresh air, and forcing them to wear masks outdoors was abusive. Not a single person offered to join us for a playdate.
Eventually, I did find two moms, both strangers to me, who agreed to meet outdoors with masks on. I’ve met one so far, and she was lovely. But out of the entire homeschooling community, only two moms were willing to connect.
I frequently comment on threads offering masked outdoor playdates to moms seeking friends for their children, but no one ever takes me up on it.
I Faced Disappointment Again When Offering Help
When another mom posted about being new to the area and seeking friends, especially older moms, I reached out. We shared interests in some philosophical discussions and parenting approaches. I proposed a masked outdoor playdate, noting that we might not see eye-to-eye on certain issues, but I was open to connecting.
Her response shocked me—she was interested but didn’t believe in masking. I was at a loss for words.
How challenging is it to wear a simple piece of fabric over your face to help prevent the spread of a potentially deadly virus? Even if someone doubts its efficacy, why not wear a mask to make others feel comfortable?
The homeschooling community around here seems to be filled with individuals who deny the realities of COVID-19. They organize trips to farms, museums, and have cheerleading teams. There’s little space for someone who has spent the past year committed to masking, distancing, and minimizing exposure. I feel like I’m the only one putting in the effort in this group dynamic.
My recent masked outdoor playdate was pleasant, yet it felt forced and awkward in a way I’ve never experienced before. We were brought together by our shared belief in the seriousness of COVID-19, hoping for our children to form friendships under pressure. Given the scarcity of opportunities for our kids to socialize, we were both eager for it to be a success.
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Summary
This article recounts the author’s experience navigating friendships during the pandemic, particularly in a conservative homeschooling community resistant to wearing masks. The author sought to arrange safe playdates for their children but faced backlash and disappointment. Despite some attempts at connection, the prevailing attitudes in their community made it challenging to find like-minded individuals.