In the weeks following my initial breast cancer diagnosis, I found myself caught in a whirlwind of emotions—between fear and reflection. A conversation I had with a friend before my diagnosis kept replaying in my mind. She had shared her concerns about her mother’s health habits, expressing that she wouldn’t be surprised if her mom developed breast cancer. Then, she made a bold statement that stuck with me: “If I had cancer, I’d never take those chemo chemicals. I’d just wait to see what happens.”
Now, as a member of the one in eight women diagnosed with invasive breast cancer, I faced a tough decision. Options such as chemotherapy, radiation, hormone blockers, immunotherapy, and surgery loomed over me. I had to choose between a lumpectomy followed by radiation or a mastectomy—a choice no one wants to make. Despite my usual “live and let live” attitude, I couldn’t shake off my friend’s comments about chemotherapy.
Looking back almost four years, I opted for a mastectomy alone, and fortunately, further treatments weren’t necessary due to the early stage of my cancer. Just as I was settling into my new identity as a breast cancer survivor, I discovered a mass in my chest wall—the cancer had returned.
Once again, I was thrust into the chaos of ultrasounds, scans, lab tests, and consultations. After two surgeries in just three weeks, I was cancer-free for a second time. However, due to the nature of breast cancer recurrence, I discussed with my doctors the need for chemotherapy, radiation, and immunotherapy.
This decision was not made lightly. I consulted with my trusted medical team and considered my role as a mother of four. I wanted to fight cancer vigorously rather than adopt a “wait and see” approach. Ultimately, I felt at peace with my choice; my instincts told me it was the right path.
I don’t feel the need to justify my treatment decision to everyone who questions it. Over-explaining can lead to more doubt and judgment, which I don’t need during this challenging time. However, I do believe sharing my experience may resonate with others on a similar journey.
The only person qualified to evaluate a patient’s treatment choice is the patient themselves. Your perspective on what you would do if faced with cancer only shifts the focus from my experience to your own. Cancer is a devastating reality—by inserting your opinion into my journey, you are inadvertently minimizing my pain.
I fully recognize chemotherapy’s toxicity; that’s precisely its purpose—to eliminate cancer cells. Yet, the treatment doesn’t discriminate between healthy and cancerous cells, which means side effects are part of the package. No one chooses chemotherapy lightly; it’s a serious decision made under difficult circumstances.
If you know someone facing a significant challenge—whether it’s cancer or another life hurdle—do not share what you would do in their place. Instead, acknowledge their struggle and ask how you can support them. Offer a listening ear, a cup of coffee, or even a ride to treatment. Just don’t leave it at “let me know if you need anything”—that puts the burden back on them.
In a society that pressures us to take a stand on everything, the most crucial stance we can take when someone we care about is in distress is to stand beside them, supporting their decisions without judgment.
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Summary:
This article discusses the author’s personal journey with breast cancer and the decision to pursue chemotherapy, emphasizing the importance of personal choice in treatment. It encourages support rather than unsolicited opinions from others and highlights the emotional complexities of dealing with cancer. The author urges friends and family to respect the patient’s decisions and offer genuine support instead of judgment.