I’ve experienced both pregnancy and intoxication—though thankfully not simultaneously (so take a breath). Surprisingly, these two conditions share quite a few similarities.
Emotional Rollercoaster
Pregnancy: You may not be crying all the time, but at some point, you might find yourself weeping over a memory, like how your childhood cat was absolutely the best.
Drunk: You might not be a blubbering mess all night, but there comes a moment when the “I love you, man” vibes hit, or you recount a touching story and suddenly, tears are flowing for the same reason—your childhood cat was just so special.
The Ups and Downs
Pregnancy: If you’re one of the fortunate few who escape morning sickness, count your blessings. For the rest, kneeling by the toilet wishing for relief is part of the journey. Spoiler alert: vomiting often brings no comfort, and you might find yourself doing it more. Morning sickness is relentless.
Drunk: If you didn’t know when to call it quits, you’ll likely find yourself in a similar position, once again praying for relief while hugging the porcelain throne. Spoiler alert: You might purge and rally, but be prepared for the aftermath. Alcohol is an unforgiving foe.
Driving Dilemmas
Pregnancy: There isn’t a specific law against driving while heavily pregnant, but with the constant leg cramps, an enormous belly, and unpredictable contractions, it’s probably best to hand the keys to someone who isn’t nurturing a tiny human.
Drunk: The rule is clear: don’t drive. Just don’t.
Unexpected Naps
Pregnancy: You might sit down for a brief moment to catch your breath, only to wake up hours later, drooling on the couch. You have no clue what happened during your nap, but it was glorious.
Drunk: You and your partner decide to indulge in cocktails while binge-watching your favorite show. At some point, you mutter that this will hurt in the morning, and then suddenly, it’s morning, and you’re drooling on the couch, still clothed and confused about what transpired.
Memory Lapses
Pregnancy: Ever lost track of your sunglasses? Or your phone, which you find in your own hand? It’s a whirlwind of forgetfulness, and you might even question if you did laundry. Snack time? Definitely.
Drunk: The same story unfolds: where are your sunglasses? Who knows. It’s nighttime, anyway. Your phone? Oh, it’s in your shoe—don’t ask why. Time for a snack.
Unusual Cravings
Pregnancy: Your taste buds are on a wild ride; whether it’s from the limited food options during morning sickness or the strange cravings that hit out of nowhere, you’re eating what you can to nourish that little one.
Drunk: Similarly, your food choices become dictated by what you can whip up in a tipsy state. Who cares how weird it is? You need to soak up that alcohol!
Bathroom Breaks
Pregnancy: Congratulations! Your bladder has officially lost the battle to your growing uterus. Prepare for frequent trips to the restroom every 15 minutes for the rest of your pregnancy.
Drunk: You’ve broken the seal. Expect to be in the bathroom every 15 minutes for the remainder of the night.
Wardrobe Malfunctions
Pregnancy: You might discover that you’ve been walking around with your belly exposed, and those cute maternity tops you bought no longer fit. People may stare, but at this point, who cares?
Drunk: You might not even realize how exposed you are until later, and even then, you’re more concerned about what you’re wearing next time, despite knowing you might still flash a bit of skin.
The “Never Again” Mentality
Pregnancy: You probably won’t have this thought until the final moments of labor, questioning how other women do this repeatedly while grappling with discomfort and cravings for things like wine and sushi. Then your baby arrives, and suddenly, you’re left wondering if you could do it all again.
Drunk: You won’t think of this while you’re drunk, but come morning, the brightness feels blinding. You’ll yearn for greasy food to fix your woes, vowing, “Never again!” But a few weeks later, you find yourself in that same situation once more. What were you thinking?
These parallels aren’t just coincidental. Many of you may have found yourselves in these situations after a few too many drinks, leading to that unexpected pregnancy. For more insights on this journey, check out this related post. And if you’re considering your options, this site is an excellent resource for understanding home insemination. Plus, if you’re looking for quality products, visit Make a Mom for at-home insemination kits.
In summary, while being pregnant and being drunk seem like vastly different experiences, they share quite a few uncanny similarities. From emotional moments to peculiar cravings, navigating these states can be a wild ride.
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