If there’s one thing we can attribute to the recent political climate, it’s the unsettling revelation of the deep-seated racism that persists in our society. Many of us hoped that we had moved past the era of blatant bigotry, believing that such attitudes were relics of a bygone age, or at least fading away with our older relatives. Unfortunately, that’s not the case.
The reality is that racism is alive and well, and the struggle for equality for BIPOC in the U.S. continues. What hurts the most is when those we love—family members, spouses, or close friends—voice harmful beliefs. Many individuals have found themselves facing the painful truth that their loved ones are, in fact, racist. This leaves them with a difficult choice: should they sever ties with these individuals or attempt to coexist alongside those who lack a shared moral foundation?
Take, for example, my cousin Jamie, who recently joined an online group that targets people who share my political views. Despite the hate he spreads, I’m still expected to engage with him. Is it fair to expect someone from a marginalized community to be civil with an open racist? The answer is a resounding no.
Confessions from Others
Here are some confessions from others who have found themselves in similar predicaments:
- “My partner’s mother openly expresses racist views, and it drives me insane. I’ve confronted her about her harmful comments, but somehow, I’m the one labeled the villain for standing up for my beliefs.”
- “Honestly, I relished the lockdown—no family gatherings meant I didn’t have to endure the toxic, racist attitudes of my in-laws. It was a breath of fresh air not having to expose my kids to their ignorance.”
- “Admitting my parents hold such prejudiced beliefs has been heartbreaking. How can the people who raised me harbor such hatred?”
- “I’ve had to distance myself from friends who refuse to grasp that supporting a racist is just as bad as being one. It’s disheartening to see what they’ve become.”
- “I find myself wishing I could turn back time to when I believed my family was more accepting. Now, I’m determined to raise my kids to be better and break this cycle of bigotry.”
The journey through these realizations is not easy. It forces us to confront uncomfortable truths about those we thought we knew. As we navigate our relationships, we have to decide whether to engage in meaningful conversations or to cut ties entirely. While there are no straightforward answers, remember that if you’re grappling with the fallout from toxic beliefs among those close to you, you’re not alone.
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