It’s been four months since I embraced the journey of single parenthood, a transition that began on September 16, 2013. One of the toughest aspects has been managing the endless stream of questions from my four-year-old daughter, Lily. Thankfully, my one-year-old son, Ethan, is still at an age where he simply needs love and a consistent nap routine to feel secure.
One night, as Lily cried for her dad, I held her close, silently wiping my own tears while trying to reassure her that he loves her dearly—he just made a poor choice by not being with us anymore. Explaining this complicated reality to such a young child is incredibly challenging, even for adults who struggle to understand it themselves.
It’s hard to believe that it’s been four months since my marriage ended, and I still find myself crying nearly every night, replaying her questions in my mind and searching for the right answers. Holding everything together—my kids, my job, my studies, friendships, and social life—can feel overwhelming, especially on days when just putting one foot in front of the other seems impossible. Patience and calmness often evade me when all I want to do is scream or hide from the harsh reality surrounding me.
This is the battle I face daily: taking it one day at a time, one hour at a time, one. minute. at. a. time. When I look at my children, particularly Ethan, I see reminders of their father. The way their eyes shift colors when they’re under the weather, the shape of their ears mirroring his, and the sweet tooth that Lily inherited from countless evenings spent watching cartoons and enjoying treats together. They share his blood, and they also carry mine.
Eventually, they will ask questions and be ready for the answers. When that time comes, I want to speak to them with honesty and love. To prepare for that day, I must show them love now—through my actions, my words, and how I discuss their father. This is perhaps the hardest challenge I’ve ever faced: preventing anger from taking root in my already fractured heart.
Choosing to love my children more than I cling to bitterness is a conscious decision. It’s a choice I strive to make—though I often falter—each and every day, each hour, each minute. There are countless moments when they’re sick, cranky, or having a meltdown in the middle of the night, and it’s all too easy to allow frustration to surface, particularly knowing their dad isn’t around to share those burdens. But I remind myself that they, too, feel confusion, sadness, and anger. In acknowledging our shared struggles, I find solace in the incredible grace that comes from knowing they are the brightest part of my life.
So, I love them. I offer silent comfort and hold them when they cry, even when the dishes pile up in the sink and I lack the motivation to tidy up after a long day. I embrace them when it’s well past bedtime, and all I want is to unwind in front of the TV. I hold them tight during moments when I feel lost and uncertain. I let go of anger, bitterness, fear, and anxiety.
My prayer is to soften my grip, allowing my hurt and anger to fall away as I wrap my arms around my children in a love that encompasses their very being. That is all I can do.
For more insights on navigating parenthood, check out this post on the choice of parenting. If you’re considering home insemination, visit Make a Mom for trusted at-home insemination syringe kits. Additionally, Facts About Fertility provides excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary:
This article reflects on the challenges and emotional turmoil of single parenthood, emphasizing the importance of love and resilience in the face of adversity. It highlights the struggle to maintain patience and composure while nurturing young children amidst personal heartbreak. The author shares her journey of choosing love over bitterness and the profound impact of this decision on her family.
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