It’s been a wild ride this past year, hasn’t it? I feel utterly wiped out, both physically and emotionally. Each day feels like a spin-the-wheel game: Is this feeling due to exhaustion, the lack of social interaction beyond my immediate family for the past 382 days (but who’s counting?), my all-carb diet, or just a bad mood? Honestly, it’s hard to tell.
Usually, I have a pretty positive view of people. I mean, sure, there are a few exceptions, but I’ve always thought that most folks are fundamentally good. And I still want to believe that. But wow, this past year has really put that belief to the test.
Some days, I find myself feeling like I might just dislike everyone. Just a few minutes on social media, reading news headlines, or even chatting with a friend can leave me feeling like I want to scream. It’s frustrating; I’ve found myself feeling irked with even the people I respect and admire. There doesn’t seem to be any specific reason either. Seeing pictures of people gathering without masks can infuriate me. Posts discussing the dangers of in-person schooling can bring me to tears (my kids have been back in school since January).
What’s happening? When did I become so cynical? I don’t want to feel this way. I genuinely like people; it’s just the situation that’s got me feeling this way.
Here’s the deal: people can be incredible, inspiring, and downright wonderful. But they can also be selfish, ignorant, and sometimes even hateful. And this past year has revealed some harsh truths. People I thought were kind have shown their true colors, and they weren’t as bright as I once believed.
In tough times, people reveal their real selves, and it’s not always a pretty sight. Friendships have shifted, and I’ve lost respect for many. My faith in humanity has been shaken.
That initial sense of togetherness we experienced at the beginning of the pandemic dissipated quickly. This year seemed to morph into a survival-of-the-fittest mentality, filled with blame, chaos, and a lot of second-guessing. Basic decisions, like whether to go grocery shopping or send kids to school, became complicated moral dilemmas. Some think it’s irresponsible to go to the store, while others believe being overly cautious affects their family’s emotional health. If I let my kids play outside with friends while keeping distance, but won’t let them go into a friend’s house even while masked, am I being overly paranoid? Or too risky? If I get vaccinated when I qualify, does that mean I’m doing the right thing, or am I being selfish by not waiting my turn?
The second-guessing has been relentless and exhausting, coming from both others and myself. And let me tell you, this moral and emotional whiplash is draining. It can really mess with your mind.
Honestly, I’ve never felt as isolated as I have during this past year. It’s not just because I couldn’t be around anyone but my immediate family. It’s because I felt like nobody, aside from my partner, truly understood my feelings. Many of us have experienced this sense of isolation.
No matter how each person has navigated this pandemic, finding someone who truly shares your perspective has seemed nearly impossible. (And no, I’m not referring to anti-maskers; that’s a completely different discussion.) Even among those of us who have taken the virus seriously, thresholds for risk have varied widely. Some were okay with in-person schooling but wore masks constantly, even outdoors; others felt comfortable with indoor family gatherings but weren’t ready to step foot in a grocery store. Some have isolated entirely, while others have taken road trips across the country.
Navigating these varying perspectives has been physically and emotionally exhausting. Honestly, there have been moments when I fantasized about going off-grid and living in the wilderness with a pack of dogs. Seriously; it’s been that intense.
But I refuse to succumb to the “people suck” mindset. I don’t want to become so disillusioned with humanity that I forget its beauty. Humanity can be flawed, yes, but it can also be truly remarkable.
I don’t want to be a “hater.” I want to remember all the good things people do. I don’t actually hate everyone; I just dislike how the last year has unfolded.
Fortunately, I’ve found a few things to help me feel less irritable. For one, I remind myself that we’re all under immense stress and none of us is at our best right now. We are all on edge and we need to extend grace to one another. Watching some mindless TV helps too (currently into “White Collar”). Plus, the usual stress-relievers like meditation, exercise, and fresh air have proven beneficial (who would’ve thought?). Oh, and getting vaccinated has definitely been a plus.
In summary, this year has thrown us into impossible situations. There haven’t been good options, only less terrible ones. It’s been tough, and if you’re feeling angry and isolated because everyone seems frustrating, know that you’re not alone. These feelings will pass… I think… I hope. And if they don’t? You might spot me living off the grid in a cabin with a few dogs.
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Summary: The past year has been exhausting and emotionally draining, leading to feelings of frustration and isolation. While I generally view people positively, the pandemic has revealed some harsh truths about human behavior. It’s essential to remember that everyone is under significant stress, and extending grace to one another is crucial. Despite the challenges, it’s important to keep faith in the goodness of humanity.