If there’s one thing I appreciate about parenting, it’s the constant stream of mixed messages. “Prioritize your well-being!” we hear, but also, “You must breastfeed, never let your baby cry, and if you seek a moment of peace, you’re failing as a mom.” Or consider this: “Stop babying your kids! They need to learn how to handle the world!” Yet, if you allow your children to play outside unsupervised or—heaven forbid—walk home from school alone, you might find yourself facing a visit from Child Protective Services.
We simply cannot win.
Schools are yet another arena where parents receive conflicting signals, adding to the overwhelming stress of modern-day parenting. For instance, any parent who sends their sick child to school is immediately labeled as irresponsible. Even before the pandemic, if you allowed your sniffling child or one who complained of a stomach ache to attend school, and those symptoms escalated into something more severe, you’d be under scrutiny. We understand—germs spread, and it’s essential to keep kids and staff healthy. The message is clear: stay home when you’re unwell.
But hold on.
Often, the same school districts that enforce strict “stay at home if you’re sick” policies also impose rigid attendance rules. A friend of mine in Texas has to present a doctor’s note if her kids miss more than two consecutive days, or they face unexcused absences and penalties. Seriously? Kids frequently catch viruses that linger for days, illnesses that don’t require a doctor’s visit but simply need rest, hydration, and time to heal. Plus, let’s discuss the financial burden of unnecessary doctor visits for families with limited insurance or high deductibles.
For example, my children have generally avoided the ear infections or strep throat that many of their peers suffer from. Instead, they often get “viruses” that antibiotics won’t help. They experience fevers, fatigue, coughs, and runny noses. After a few trips to the doctor, only to be told, “It’s a virus; you’ll just have to wait it out,” I learned to cope with their illnesses at home. If I lived in a district with strict attendance policies, I might have been compelled to drag my sick kids to a doctor’s appointment purely for a note—potentially spreading germs instead.
And let’s not forget those families with children who have chronic illnesses. For them, rigid attendance policies create logistical and financial nightmares. Parents who already face immense daily challenges shouldn’t have to worry about punitive measures from schools while trying to help their children recover.
We are finally starting to discuss mental health in a serious way. We understand that mental health is just as crucial as physical health, and both are interconnected. Workplaces are beginning to adopt more flexible sick leave policies that incorporate mental health days. The pandemic has highlighted the importance of mental well-being in children, revealing that isolation impacts them just as it does adults. Just as parents require mental health days, so do children.
Yet, strict attendance policies remain, along with the practice of giving attendance awards to those fortunate enough to be healthy. These awards inadvertently reward kids for circumstances beyond their control—good health, parents with stable jobs, and the means to get them to school daily.
What message does this send? These awards favor children from stable backgrounds, making those who cannot attend regularly feel less valued. Children from lower-income families often face barriers to consistent attendance that are beyond their control, as do those with chronic health issues.
It’s essential for children to see their peers achieve in various areas—academics, sports, arts—but attendance awards do not recognize effort or achievement. They instead highlight luck and circumstance, suggesting that taking a day off, whether for physical illness or mental health, is somehow wrong.
The reality is that our society often glorifies overwork at the expense of well-being. From inadequate maternity leave policies to pressures at work to avoid taking time off, these messages begin at a young age. We need to stop awarding children for mere attendance and instead promote a culture that values health—both mental and physical.
Imagine if we celebrated schools and employers that encourage self-care and mental health days, emphasizing the importance of staying home when sick. It’s time to eliminate attendance awards and rethink our approach to attendance policies for the benefit of our children’s futures.
For more insights on related topics, check out this blog post or learn about home insemination resources. Additionally, the World Health Organization offers valuable information on pregnancy and health.