We Stopped Drinking, and It Transformed Our Relationship

I had been a sober, recovering alcoholic for a decade when my husband made the decision to stop drinking. He did it quietly, and it took me two weeks to realize it. During a dinner at one of our favorite spots, he simply ordered water. I was taken aback when he explained that it was time for a change.

This decision has profoundly strengthened our relationship. Without alcohol as a barrier, we function better as a couple.

Reflecting on Our Early Relationship

In the early days of our relationship, drinking was central to everything we did. We would meet for drinks after work, spend late nights on his patio with beers, and always share a bottle of wine during dinner. I often wonder if we had much in common outside of our shared love for Budweiser. Our backgrounds were different—growing up in separate cities with varying religious views. He enjoyed sports while I preferred reading magazines. Our only common ground seemed to be our affinity for alcohol.

Once we married, drinking became a nightly ritual. It started with a glass of wine after work and escalated to celebratory cocktails every Friday night. I began to realize that my drinking was spiraling out of control when I found myself frequently hungover at work. I was downing beers at least four nights a week, and it was taking a toll on me.

A Turning Point

After getting pregnant, I abstained for nine months, only to return to drinking shortly after my son was born. However, when I became pregnant again a few months after his first birthday, I decided to quit for good. Since then, I have had no alcohol, even through the births of my other three children. This decision brings me a sense of pride.

My husband continued to drink, but his relationship with alcohol was different. He wasn’t drinking to get drunk; it was more of a habit. He would come home from work, grab a beer, fire up the grill, and pour himself a glass of wine for movie nights. However, he often drank alone, which didn’t bother me initially, but soon began to. Our arguments intensified when he drank. It brought out the worst in both of us, leading to resentment on my part.

Living Separate Lives

We started living separate lives. I would retreat to the bedroom with the kids while he stayed in the basement with his drink. This created a rift between us, turning our marriage into a roommate situation. Weekend outings often ended in fights, with me feeling frustrated about being the designated driver while he indulged in expensive wine. My anger grew as I felt he was wasting money, leading to heated exchanges that ended with someone storming off to sleep on the couch.

A Quiet Decision

There was no dramatic moment that prompted my husband to stop drinking; he simply made the choice quietly. He’s not one for grand announcements. He realized that his family deserved the best version of him, and he made a commitment to change.

The Transformation

Now, approaching two years as a sober couple, our lives are significantly improved. We still argue—what couple doesn’t?—but our disagreements are more constructive now. Instead of blaming alcohol, we confront the real challenges in our relationship. I no longer nag because of drinking, and he doesn’t lash out due to intoxication.

Our parenting has improved, too. We’re more patient and can truly enjoy our time together as a family, free from the fog of hangovers.

Looking Ahead

Let me clarify: we don’t have an issue with people who drink; we have a drinking problem ourselves. We can happily serve drinks at gatherings without feeling tempted. Many can enjoy alcohol responsibly, but we’ve learned we are not among them. As a parent, I do worry about our children and their relationship with alcohol, as addiction runs in our families. I hope they will remember our journey and choose wisely.

I am incredibly grateful that we didn’t let alcohol come between us. Instead, we focused on nurturing our relationship. I love my husband deeply, and I can confidently say I love him even more now that alcohol is out of the picture. We raise our glasses—mine filled with Diet Coke, his with Irish coffee minus the Bailey’s—and toast to the strength of our marriage.

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Conclusion

In summary, choosing sobriety has transformed our relationship for the better, allowing us to grow closer and work through challenges together. We celebrate our love without the influence of alcohol, and our family life thrives in this newfound clarity.